Category: Participants’ experiences

People can head into the dark for a number of reasons. Either they want a rest from the rush of work or to try an unconventional, slightly mysterious attraction, but most go on a dark retreat for answers – for guidance on how to solve their problems or the question marks in their lives.

In my case it was about a “rebirth”. I needed to be born again into a balanced, easy-going, laughing state. Over the past month I had lost myself in emotions that I took for LOVE. I was often sad, emotionally unstable, out of balance… I just wasn’t MYSELF. I tried to find my lost SELF travelling around Europe, without much success. All my thoughts revolved around one single subject. Well, there would have been nothing wrong with that, if it hadn’t been for the self-pity and worries that came with those thoughts. I was consumed by longing, clinging, jealousy and lust, all passing themselves off as Love.

I booked my dark retreat from abroad

In Lithuania I responded to a newly available date for the Dark and hoped it wouldn’t be too late.

And now here I am! I can’t see anything, really nothing (just staring into the dark), and I’m waiting to see what happens. How could a stay in a blacked-out cabin bring me back to the calm I’d lost?

It started wonderfully. After 23 hours of walking (111.5 km) to Lomec I lie down and sleep until the first knock. A knock? Tomáš knocks, I close my eyes, and then I give myself over to delicious vegan food: a main course, soup, a pile of fruit and a RAW bar. I thoroughly enjoyed all the treats.

What to do in the dark? (I’m sure you’ll be more inventive than me 🙂

1. Strength training: The sanctuary has enough space for press-ups, sit-ups, handstands, yoga… in any case, training in the dark is strangely harder than in the light, which is why a few days after coming out of the dark I can do more than 100 press-ups in a row.
2. Meditation: Chanting mantras and breathing exercises should be an essential part of every day in the dark – they calm you, nourish you spiritually and put you in a good mood for whatever comes next.
3. Harmonica: A musical instrument is a great companion in the Dark and also a meditation aid (I hope my improvisations didn’t disturb the people in the other sanctuaries)
4. Sleep: You’ll simply sleep through most of the time. The darkness keeps pumping melatonin into your body, so you get a proper rest. You’ll be kept company by dreams, which thanks to the darkness lose none of their vividness.
5. Thinking: Thinking nearly made me end my dark retreat early. You can’t keep thoughts at bay. There’s nothing to distract your attention… you can’t see 🙂 Of course, the thoughts touch the most sensitive corners of your soul. It can be quite painful, but in the end it makes you stronger. Combined with “happy” thoughts, you can look at the “sad” ones more positively. In the end I managed that, but I wasn’t on my own. Halfway through the retreat I was in crisis and thinking of ending it, so I invited Tomáš, the therapist, into the dark. I confided in him, and with a few words he reprogrammed my thinking. Tom switched me onto a different track, and I didn’t leave it until the end of the retreat (and still haven’t :-)).
6. One-off and other activities in the Dark:

– flushing my head in the toilet (I wanted to put myself in the shoes of bullied people who were forced to do it – done voluntarily, it’s pleasantly refreshing :-))

– an intimate relationship with a fly (it buzzed around my sanctuary for 4 days and landed on just about every part of my body)

– measuring the cabin (every day I measured the dimensions of the sanctuary with my thumbs)

– masturbation (no comment :-))

– watching pulsating light patterns on my retina (apparently a “confused” optic nerve is to blame)

– keeping a blind diary (surprisingly, it was all readable and the drawings were very funny)

After the darkness therapy

I come out of the sanctuary shyly. With great expectations, but also a little fear. I left the womb (the safety of the dark) and was born into a beautiful world. Since then I keep smiling and enjoying life the way I used to. 

Thank you to Tom and his family for their help!

Hi Lenka and Tomáš,
it’s more than a month since I was on a week-long dark retreat. I’d like to thank you once again for your support and the lovely setting. I’d been planning my week in the dark for quite a while, and the best moment to go was straight after my final state exams. More than anything, I was looking forward to the calm and ease in the dark, which I’d been missing for a long time.  

At first, a week in the dark seemed to me like an interesting opportunity to clear my head and think about what I’d do after university. When I told a few people, word quickly spread all over town, and everyone had a barrage of questions ready and, with baffled expressions, tried to work out what I was actually after.  

A dark retreat made to measure

Before the dark, Tomáš told us that in the dark each person gets exactly what they need. And he was right.

I slept through the first days of the retreat. The following days my brain was completely ,,wiped“ and I just stared into the darkness without any thoughts at all. That was exactly what I needed. Once I was completely rested, the questions came. For days on end something kept running through my head, and I had time to take each thought properly apart. It was different somehow from doing this in everyday life. It felt as if I could see every thought in my head from all sides and find the right answer.

Towards the end of the retreat I had a huge urge to go outside and kept thinking about how many hours were left before I’d come out into the light. I couldn’t wait for the sunrise and to breathe fresh air again. It was the sunrise that made the biggest impression on me out of the whole time in the dark. It was the end and I felt great. I had a bigger appetite for life than perhaps ever before. That’s where I had my last emotional moment, and then off I went to be among people. After a week of silence, I was dying to talk to someone. The first people I saw were Dalibor and his girlfriend. It was great to share my impressions with someone who had been through it too. Thanks to you both 😊

At home people quizzed me about the dark retreat

Everything changed when I got home and everyone started asking questions. I learned one version and repeated it over and over until I realised that what I was saying no longer meant anything to me. At first that frightened me, because I had no memories of the dark, only the stories I’d been telling everyone. After a month people stopped asking, and the moments and feelings I associate with the dark retreat are slowly coming back to me.

Next time I’ll keep this experience just to myself. Even though I was glad so many people supported me, it’s quite an intimate thing really, and only those closest to you should know about it.

The dark retreat allowed me to be alone

I think this was the longest time I’ve been able to be just with myself and really get to know myself. It gave me a lot of energy for life, more self-confidence and a sense of certainty. I’m really glad I had the chance to do this retreat.

Thanks once again

Take care
Renata

I won’t describe the dark retreat itself, that’s a matter of each person’s own experience – and it’s an experience I can warmly recommend.

A dark retreat isn’t boring

There’s definitely no need to worry that time will drag and you’ll be bored stiff. It isn’t like that, in the dark the body works in a different mode.

What I’d really like to highlight are the people who run the centre, Lenka and Tomáš. Everything is genuinely done properly, and the place for the dark retreat is thought through down to every detail so that you feel comfortable there and have everything you need taken care of. They make sure the darkness really is absolute (not a single photon 🙂 , that the soundproofing is good and that the climate in the room stays right. Great work, and you can really see it’s created by people who do it with enthusiasm, have the experience themselves and know what’s needed 🙂

A dark retreat for “city folk” too

At first glance the way the centre presents itself might seem overly “esoteric”, which might make some people  wonder what on earth awaits them there. Don’t worry, everything is great even for city folk. The food comes in three courses 🙂 (soup, a main course and even dessert).

You won’t be munching on shoots and sprouts for a week :).

Even though the food is vegetarian, it’s wonderfully tasty – I’d describe it as “just like grandma makes”, in a veggie version.

All in all, if you want to go on a dark retreat, come here, I recommend it.

Viktor

I first heard about the dark retreat several years ago. The moment I saw the transformation that the process brought about in a person who had been through it, I knew that one day it would be waiting for me too. Not because I had to, but because I want to know what comes next. Days, months and years went by and the interest faded away. I can’t say entirely – somewhere in my subconscious the thought was still there – but I forgot about it.

The Léčba tmou website

Until one day, while browsing the internet, I visited the “Léčba tmou” website just out of curiosity, and that was it. I have to go, and as soon as possible. The site was clear and I found everything I needed to know there.  In my impatience I looked straight away at the available dates. I was taken aback that the nearest date was several months away, with just one place left. The next one was several months later still. I thought to myself: that one’s for me, it’s waiting for me. 

To make a booking you had to pay a fee, and then I was on the booking list. 🙂 Clearly there was no escape now! said my head…. Fear, respect, and at the same time hidden excitement and curiosity – those were the first feelings and thoughts. Then my head got to work… What to prepare, how to do it so that I would cope. It’s only 6 nights – no, it’s a whole 6 nights… I am determined, so I was sure I would manage it, but I didn’t want it at any cost; after all,  how many times had I been afraid to get up in the night and preferred to wait for dawn. So much fear and worry… Today I know it was completely unnecessary.

I knew I needed nothing with me and that there is no way to prepare for it, but even so I did a few things. After all, you feel better when you have something with you that reminds you of home, or a talisman that protects you. I couldn’t deny myself such things either. 

I drove to the dark retreat

The journey to the retreat was not exactly pleasant, at least at the start. The departure was planned, but  even so I set off a whole hour late (I still had to do this and that, you may know the feeling – nowadays there’s even a name for it: procrastination). “I’ll still get there on time,” I told myself. The journey was complicated by several road closures, which the satnav only sorted out after a detour of several kilometres. On the other hand, I told myself: if I am meant to be there, I will get there. 

And I really was meant to take part, because suddenly the journey went beautifully and the moment of truth arrived: I pulled up at the gate. I still could not believe it myself. I’m here and I’m going for it! “It went so fast,” I thought. When I booked the retreat I had five months to wait. Gradually you let it be, the time flew by and there I was, getting to know Lenka and Tomáš. We go to look at the cabin. The things I  want to take with me I leave in the car for now, in case I change my mind. “You don’t know what you’ll need…” my head is working flat out. 

The dark cabin smells beautifully of wood

The cabin is lovely, with a pleasant smell of wood, and the surroundings are beautiful. I burst into tears, from emotion and from respect. The instructions reassured me, as did the feeling that every day there was the chance to talk about anything without interrupting the process. “It’ll be fine,” I told myself. The instructions are clear and come with plenty of valuable advice. It was time to explore the cabin, the sanctuary, settle in and switch off the light. It’s evening, so there’s nothing unusual about that. Like any other evening: wash, lights off and go to sleep. I found the switch; that was the one thing I memorised very carefully, so that I would know where it was, at least for the days ahead. In the morning I opened my eyes, expecting light, the sunrise, I looked for the window and nothing…..

There was only darkness, and suddenly it hit me… now you are here alone with yourself, just you, your head and your thoughts… this is it 

are you ready for this????

You can’t fully prepare for a dark retreat

You definitely can’t prepare for it; you don’t know what, you don’t know where, or what thoughts will surface. Your head is full of memories and thoughts, and they are just waiting for the right moment to emerge. 

So, get out of bed and find out how well I had explored the terrain. The very first test – working out how to flush the toilet – a perfectly ordinary thing, you look and it’s obvious. Well yes, but I can’t see anything and I can’t remember! Yesterday it never even occurred to me to look, or to notice such little details. Now these were quite important things (because I had nothing else to worry about). How to turn on the water, where the shower is and the switch for the ventilation..:-(  Those first moments, but I told myself I wasn’t going to give up, and certainly not over such trifles… To my surprise I had it all under control, and right up to the end of the retreat these little things gave me no trouble. 

Another surprise was that darkness isn’t black, the way we are taught to paint it from childhood… I saw flashes; sometimes it seemed to me that it was half-light. Even though the cabin was perfectly blacked out and soundproofed. It was nice when Tomáš brought me my first meal. I thought to myself: I’ve made it through the first day, eat and off to sleep. At this rate I’ll breeze through the whole week, there’s nothing to it. On the second day it wasn’t going so well any more; I started thinking…

Oh no you don’t, I told myself – and I learnt to live in the here and now. I knew that carrying on like that, I would be outside within a few hours.  As Tomáš said, when it comes, just breathe and the thoughts will drift away again. So within two days I learnt to breathe properly and to meditate.

My dark retreat passed pleasantly

The days flowed by; it was pleasant to know that time is relative, that I didn’t have to watch the clock or worry about whether it was morning or night. There were no bogeymen, which I was glad about, no stubbed toes either, I found my way around the cabin perfectly and I had a wonderful rest. It was lovely when Lenka or Tomáš brought me a hot meal, which by the way was delicious, along with a kind word and hot tea with fresh fruit. Day after day I looked forward to what new and wonderful thing I would get to taste. (thank you, Lenka)

And the end was approaching

On the last day I was already thinking I could manage several more days, but even so I was looking forward to seeing the dawn. I was curious about the sunrise, which according to Lenka and Tomáš was supposed to be extraordinarily beautiful after such a long time in the dark. They were more than right; it was gorgeous, different from any other, magical.

On the last day Lenka brought me an alarm clock set for 4 o’clock in the morning. I couldn’t even sleep any more; I waited for it to ring, I meditated, and in the end I dozed off for a moment and suddenly… Beeeeeep —– Get up, this is it! YOU’VE DONE IT, SO NOW GO AND ENJOY IT.

Opening the door was a piece of cake.

I opened it, and it was a beautiful feeling. I recognised the hazel growing by the cabin and heard the rustle of the branches of the other trees. Dawn was breaking, so it was half-light. I stayed sitting in the cabin, because everything really was swaying around me. I just sat in the doorway, breathing in the fresh air and taking in the colours and sounds. Everything was beautiful, different, brighter, sharper. That day was special. Everything was swaying, admittedly, and it took several more hours before I could drive off again, but it was wonderful to watch the animals and nature waking up to a new day. 

I would compare it to a hangover.

And what did I gain from the dark retreat??

I resolved several things that I came to realise are not at all essential or important for life, not to mention sharper senses and a greater respect for life, and most of all – I found INNER PEACE. 

I recognised it as soon as I stepped out of the cabin, when I noticed the beautiful garden and the house, which I hadn’t even seen before the retreat began; I looked around the garden where the cabins stand and took in the surroundings, because I hadn’t seen all that beauty before. 

A dark retreat is worth it!

For my part I can say that if you are hesitating, or if you are afraid (it’s natural, probably everyone is afraid), it is worth it!!! Lenka and Tomáš are wonderful people with their hearts in the right place.

 I came away with experiences I want to keep for the rest of my life, and I am glad that I lived through them under your care.

Thank you, thank you and once again thank you with all my heart, and I wish you many beautiful days and pleasant moments.

Perhaps we will meet again some day; I wish you all the best, and may many more people find more calm and peace in themselves thanks to your kind-heartedness.

Věrka 🙂

Hi Tomáš,

 

a month has already passed since my dark retreat and it has flown by…

My dark retreat was much more varied than I expected. All I wanted was to rest and “disconnect” from the world. I managed that, I slept and relaxed like perhaps never before in my life:-)

The meditations, with some interesting experiences, were a bonus. And I mustn’t forget the wonderful food, eating it in the dark was an experience in itself, I really enjoyed it.

 

Two weeks ago I put my dark retreat experience to good use. That was during a meditation in the dark, in an underground labyrinth in the beautiful Bosnian countryside. The absolute darkness felt friendly to me, so familiar, and I count the experiences I had there among the best I’ve ever had. I still feel as if I’m dancing through the world 🙂

 

Life is treating me beautifully, I can feel how amazing life is, and I’m very lucky to be exactly where I’m meant to be.

 

I can only recommend a dark retreat with you

If I had to sum it up, I can only recommend a dark retreat with you. It is an experience that enriches everyone and moves them forward. And it was great at your place, you looked after me well.

 

Tomáš, you radiate a sense of calm and safety, which I especially appreciated the day after the first night 🙂

If I ever think about a dark retreat again, I’ll certainly do it with you again.

 

Wishing you lovely days and only happy “participants” :-))

 

Jana

I had been thinking about a dark retreat as a way of getting to know myself for several years, and although I had found what looked like a sensible provider at first glance, it came to nothing in the end – I don’t really know why. Perhaps I wasn’t ready yet back then? Hard to say.

At the beginning of this year I signed up for a course in Integrated Psychotherapy, and at the end of it we had to devise and rehearse a closing sketch that was supposed to have some connection with what we had been doing on the course. My group chose the theme of various forms of therapy administered by a “mad” doctor, and during the discussion about therapies someone mentioned darkness therapy. And suddenly a light went on in my head! I knew that this was exactly what could move me forward at this stage of my life; it tempted me, it drew me in. Afterwards I talked to a girl who had had to cut her dark retreat short because of health complications, and she warned me about the possible consequences. That didn’t put me off, though; I knew I wanted to go for it and that, essentially, I wasn’t afraid of it.

Over the next few days I researched dark retreat providers online and registered on the website lecba-tmou.cz, because I liked the setting of a large garden at the edge of a village, the wooden cabins themselves and, not least, Tomáš and Lenka’s approach, which I find very likeable and trustworthy. Registration followed, along with a request to be put on the waiting list in case a date became free.

I signed up for the dark retreat as a stand-in

One day I check my inbox and see an unusual offer of a week in the dark without a guide and without meals, and I replied practically straight away that I was interested. I knew this could work out, even though I had replied with a certain delay. On top of that, I was tempted by the even harder, or more demanding, version of something that in itself fills some people with dread. It’s rather symbolic that I only noticed the offer of a week with a guide, which arrived the same day, afterwards – it was simply meant to be.

Although I was second in line, I believed it would work out and slowly started letting people know at work, among acquaintances, friends and loved ones. And sure enough – a few days later Lenka wrote to tell me that the man ahead of me had cancelled his retreat and asked whether I was still interested. There was nothing to think about; I sent the deposit and was delighted that it had worked out so unexpectedly smoothly.

Other people’s fears about my dark retreat

What really amused me in the days before I went in were people’s various reactions when I told them what I was about to do. One acquaintance replied that locking people in the dark used to be a method of torture; a female friend expressed horror at the thought that she would certainly meet a snake in there, and described exactly what it would look like. In general it seems to me that women are more frightened of a dark retreat than men? Or are they simply able to admit it, unlike the blokes?

Personally, I felt only one fear: that during the retreat I might be reminded of, or relive, the fortnight I spent in hospital in the first year of my life, which I spent there without my mum and which was strongly associated with unpleasant feelings of fear and anxiety, especially at night, in the dark. But in fact that was one of the reasons I went for it – to be able to come to terms with what keeps complicating my life, with what weighs on me.

I bought plenty of supplies

Preparing for the dark retreat was all about working out what food to take with me, so that it would keep and could be prepared easily. In the end I chose a very simple, low-effort option with no cooking required. For breakfast, baked muesli with nuts, and also couscous, which, as I discovered, softens even in cold water – you just have to give it time. Along with that, several kinds of nuts, roasted seeds, dates, figs, raisins, a banana, apples.

I also bought some very tasty roasted beans, a piece of hunter’s salami, a year-old Gouda, fish spreads and goose liver, both in small packs. For bread I took rye bread for the first few days and a delicious crispbread with dill from Ikea for the rest. And I mustn’t forget the tomatoes and radishes. It was quite a pile!

On the day I went in, I packed my clothes, food, writing things, a mobile with no SIM card and a battery that would last over a week, and above all a Koshi – a wonderful bamboo wind chime that I had bought only a few days before leaving.

Unfortunately I didn’t meet Tomáš and Lenka; the date of their flight on holiday had moved, so it was their son who showed me into the sanctuary. I just handed him my declaration and, after the basic instructions, said goodbye to him. I laid my food out along the wall so that I could find my way around it easily, put paper and a pen by the bed, switched off my phones and moved to the little bathroom, where I also got everything I needed ready.

And my dark retreat began

Once I had made sure I was ready for the retreat in practical terms, I reached out my hand towards the hidden switch, and at that moment my heart started pounding, because with that small movement I was about to start something I had only a vague idea of, based on the observations of those who had already been through it, but I really had no idea how I myself would experience it. I switched off one light, I switched off the second light and darkness fell.

The first evening was basically about finding my way around the space and preparing a little something for dinner, when I discovered what an enormous problem it is to spread something on bread in the dark, and before long I went to lie down. I essentially slept through the whole of the following day, or lay there feeling drowsy. The second day was very similar to the first, but the backache from all that constant lying down forced me to start moving a bit. I have suffered from back pain for quite a while – I have a desk job and rounded shoulders – so I try to do stretching and strengthening exercises regularly, focusing precisely on the muscles that support the back, which came in extremely handy in the dark because I already know the sequence of exercises very well. On the second day I did just one set; on the following days two a day, which was fairly demanding but necessary given the limited scope for movement in the sanctuary.

It was a very good idea to take a pencil and paper with me for notes, even though writing in the dark is a little harder than in the light. For one thing, I wrote down all my dreams, of which I had a great many over the whole retreat, and for another, I wrote down the key thoughts and ideas, of which a blessed abundance also sprang up in my head.

I took a wind chime into the dark with me

I am slowly getting to the most important thing – what the dark retreat was actually about for me. For one thing, I perceived the darkness itself very neutrally; it didn’t bother me, even though my eyes kept trying to make out at least something in that darkness, which left them quite tired. Then, I came to accept the space I was in as my own; it became my temporary home, it provided for my basic needs and, thanks to the wooden panelling, it felt very pleasant. The Koshi chime, which I hung under the light in the bedroom, became a close companion and a pleasant spreader of sonic harmony in the space I was in, and thanks to the height it was hanging at, also a pleasant diversion, as I tried to “hit” with my head the spot where I assumed its lower part was, so that it would play for me.

I spent my time sleeping, exercising, eating, washing and thinking, and the last of these was, thanks to the conditions, very different from usual. For one thing, I felt a great calm and relaxation, in which I was perhaps getting into a state close to meditation? Stories from various areas of my life began to unfold in my mind – now from work, now from the family, now with someone close to me. Sometimes they were stories that had happened, sometimes stories that might perhaps happen, and it was interesting to watch how they unfolded. As an example of one such fiction, I’ll mention a visit to a music club with a good friend of mine, where a fire broke out and we had great difficulty getting first out of the crush of the crowd and then out onto the street through a small side window. I saw all these stories as if on a cinema screen, very realistically, and they stirred the corresponding emotions in me, including physical signs such as a pounding heart and quickened breathing.

Thoughts came to me about what to do next

From time to time a thought would surface in my head that gave me some fundamental piece of information for my life, for my further direction in it, for what is important and essential. Again I’ll give an example of one such thought that I wrote down: “Everything that has ever happened to us is irretrievably gone, in the past. We may or may not let it influence us; we may or may not use it as an excuse for the life we live. The only real thing is here and now. In the present moment, let us decide according to our inner voice, as is intrinsically natural to us, in harmony with who we really are. The future is open; only knowing it will give us feedback. Let us not prejudge future things on the basis of the past – by doing so we limit the paths we can take”.

The second thing, which was very unusual for me, was how many dreams I had over the whole week, or rather how many of them I could recall on waking, and in what breadth and detail. It was very important to write them down as soon as possible, because even though on waking I felt it was obvious what I had dreamt, as time went on it lost that clarity because of its dreamlike strangeness. Perhaps the very process of writing them down helped their content to lodge better in my memory, so that afterwards I could make some attempt at interpreting what each dream might have been about.

Then I saw light in the dark

Probably the greatest “oddity” of the dark retreat happened to me on the morning after the third night and then repeated itself right up to the end. Although I hadn’t expected it at all, I was able, at least to a limited extent, to see in that absolute darkness. The first time I was fairly frightened by it and looked around in confusion for the source of the light, which lit up a radius of about one metre around me, and what’s more the whole thing looked as if it had been filmed with an infrared camera. I saw my body on the bed, the mattress, the duvet, and the visual impressions corresponded exactly to the movements I was making – it was not a trick of the senses.

The next morning I did a small experiment with a little cushion that I had taken into bed with me under the duvet for the night, so that it would warm up to body temperature. Immediately after waking, when I could see again, I threw the cushion on the floor and looked in that direction. When I couldn’t see it, I concluded that this ability had nothing to do with thermal radiation. The next night I tried to work out where the source of the light was, and it seemed to me as if a tiny light bulb were hanging on my forehead between my eyes. I didn’t find out anything more about this strange occurrence, or phenomenon, while I was there; only by asking Tomáš and Lenka afterwards, plus information from the Internet, did I discover that it has to do with the so-called third eye, which had probably been activated, or had manifested itself, in me.

Coming out of a dark retreat is not to be underestimated

About the actual end and coming out of the dark retreat, I would say that it is not to be underestimated. Personally I consider it the least pleasant part of the whole week, and it is probably connected with the disruption of the spatial orientation system that occurs in the dark and which, after finishing and returning to the light, has to stabilise again.

I would compare it to the feeling I had after a week spent on a boat and then stepping onto dry land – my head was spinning, I staggered now and then, I had a strange feeling in my mouth and my stomach felt as if it were at sea. On top of that, out in the daylight my eyes seemed to flit about, unable to stop at one spot and rest on it calmly, most likely as a result of constantly trying, throughout the whole week in the dark, to see something, to focus on something. This restlessness of the eyes then makes things like driving a car fairly complicated; I drove that morning from Lomec to Kutná Hora, where I then spent several hours “acclimatising”, during which not only my vision settled down but also my stomach and my head, which was once again overwhelmed by the flood of visual and other impressions.

The subsequent journey from Kutná Hora to Prague was then accompanied by complete ease and relaxation, as I savoured the awakening spring landscape, a calm drive along a road with minimal traffic, peace, and the awareness that nothing would be the same as before, that I was returning to Prague a different person.

The dark retreat changed me, and yet I’m still me

Several days on from the end of the dark retreat, I have also had feedback from several people who have noticed that I am different, not only in how I carry myself but also in my facial expression and in what I radiate. The truth is that I myself perceive the change that has taken place, which is subjectively very hard to describe, but which in my view is unequivocally positive as far as my life and its further direction are concerned.

To the question of whether I would recommend a dark retreat to someone, I answer an unequivocal yes, but only on the condition that the person wants it and feels that it is the right thing for them to do and go through. It is without doubt a very powerful and effective tool for self-knowledge and inner healing, one of many forms of therapy, but one that is certainly not for everyone.

It has helped me a great deal at this point in my life, for which I thank Lenka and Tomáš once again!

Hi Tom and Lenka.

I’m sending a few words about my dark retreat. It’s been more than a month now since I did my week in the dark, and memories of the stay still keep coming back to me, in quite some detail. When I was deciding on a dark retreat, sometime in October last year, I knew very little about the dark. My life situation at the time wasn’t very kind to me, so I started reading The Four Agreements, and I kept hearing and reading about the power of the present moment, meditation and so on. So I moved from theory to practice and meditated and meditated and meditated… It was a liberating period, because meditation helped me a great deal to wipe away the past and live right now. I felt wonderfully good, so I told myself this was the right path. I combined it with yoga and a healthy lifestyle and enjoyed the presence of friends and family. I deliberately booked my dark retreat for the end of March, because I love spring and it seemed to me the ideal time. Even though spring this year put up quite a fight with winter :). Oddly enough, it didn’t bother me at all; maybe you infected me, Tom, because whenever I asked what it was like outside, you’d often reply that for you it’s beautiful in any weather, and I took it to heart. Or maybe it’s the retreat itself, because the weather and nature really are what’s missing in there.

I spent six months preparing for a week in the dark

So I had six months to prepare, and I really didn’t want to underestimate that, because it’s an unusual situation that needn’t be easy at all. And I did the right thing. When I arrived at your place I was so nervous that I didn’t even notice what a beautiful spot I was in. You welcomed me, Tom, with a smile and an energy that gave me courage. After the basic instructions you gave me and a quick tour of the cabin, it was suddenly here, the moment I’d feared most: the hand on the light switch. I had a mandarin in my hand and ate half of it in the light and the other half in the dark. I didn’t hesitate long, about a minute, and off we go… Here it is, excitement, enthusiasm, but no doubts. After just a few minutes I was sure I could do it. I felt safe. I switched off at about six, so the first day was short; I had a shower and went to lie down. I fell asleep almost immediately. The next day, when I woke up, I no longer had any sense of time. All through the retreat I got my bearings from the birdsong, which helped me a lot, because I had a crazy need to always know whether it was morning, evening or night… I created rituals that I did every day at roughly the same time. That confirmed my desire to have order in things. The first food delivery was absolutely fabulous, firstly because I was relieved it really worked the way you’d said, and secondly because the food was excellent. I’ve never enjoyed food as much as I did that week in the cabin. Saturday and Sunday I more or less slept and exercised through, and all in all it went by quickly. By Monday I was so settled into my activities that I was completely at ease, it was just dark… The only thing that really didn’t work for me was meditation. I’d never have believed how forcefully thoughts can push themselves to the front in the dark. I didn’t resist them, they were mine, I wanted to open myself up to them. Never before, even in the deepest meditation, had I been so at peace. Essentially it was a kind of meditative state, I just didn’t realise it at the time. I enjoyed the feeling that no thought could disturb that calm. On Monday I also had vivid dreams for the first time; they went on all week and I still have them today. It fascinated me that I could finish the dream even when awake, because no visual stimulus interrupted it. You wake up and see nothing, so you just carry on, simply brilliant :). My first crisis came on Tuesday, in the morning I think, because it was before the meal. Suddenly I was gripped by an incredible fear that I was alone with everything, and I cried for the first time. I realised that I have these states in normal life too, so I gathered all my strength and told myself I was going to deal with it. I’d brought along various objects I’ve been given by different friends and members of my family, and at that moment they helped me enormously. I’m not alone, they’re all here with me. I took each one in my hand in turn and remembered how happy I am to have them. The crisis was suddenly gone… And so for the rest of the retreat I created another ritual. And I still use it today, when it’s needed :). Several times I felt so beautiful and clear that I simply sat and enjoyed it. I enjoyed the food, did yoga for hours and hours every day, did strength exercises as far as was possible, and devoted myself to myself the way I probably should in the dark. Then came Thursday afternoon, and once again an uninvited guest entered my cabin. Fear. This time it showed itself physically too, because I couldn’t eat or even walk properly. I felt as if I’d been run over, there and back. Thoughts in my head like: how am I going to get through the whole of Friday here, it’s beyond me, it’s a whole day still. I can’t do it… It lasted a few hours and was really unpleasant, almost unbearable. I breathed, told myself all sorts of positive things, come on, you’re enjoying this, you feel good here, and so on, but nothing helped. Only sleep helped; luckily I fell asleep. After waking up I stared into the darkness for a long time (haha, what else) and thought about that state. I realised how relative time is, how pointless it is to think about it and try to control it. I had five days behind me and a day and a half ahead, and I was afraid of that. But you’ve already managed so much, I told myself. The human mind really is laughable at times, making things this hard for itself right before the finish line… I had to laugh at myself. I was glad I’d realised it. You can then work better with such parasitic thoughts. Friday was great, I was elated and looking forward to the world out there.

On Saturday morning the alarm clock woke us before sunrise. I climbed out to where it was still “dark”, but you could see everything. My head was spinning; luckily you’d warned me about that, Lenka. It was such a strange feeling, indescribable. I can’t put into words how strange I felt. There were three of us who’d just left the cabins and we were full to the brim; we were all like babies leaving their mother’s womb… That’s how I felt. The sunrise was magnificent, spring was everywhere. Beautiful. I was still absorbing it for several days afterwards and couldn’t talk about it much. I wanted to keep those feelings just for myself, at least for a while. The dark retreat opened my eyes. I discovered how much I love life. How relative time is, and that when I’m sitting in the car in a traffic jam somewhere, it isn’t wasted time, it’s simply the life I’m living. When I’m at home just lazing about, I don’t reproach myself, I enjoy it, I don’t see it as wasted time. When it snows in May, it’s something I can’t change, so I laugh at it. Snow in May, so what, snow is beautiful after all. I get rained on and don’t run for cover, I just get wet and then dry off again. I have a good meal and don’t worry about calories, because I enjoy running so much… I don’t regret a single second of the retreat and I thank you both very much for the opportunity. It was wonderful.

Take care and keep laughing 🙂

Martina 

Thank you, Lenka and Tomáš,

the dark was a great gift to me, it brought hidden sides of me into the light to see.

Though more than the dark it was a hermitage I sought ,the dark freed me from every doubtful thought.
It took me under the black wings of night and showed the hidden core of things I’d struggled with for more than a few months’ time – in a single week the dark brought it all to light.

It showed me my own light, hidden and tucked away so deep inside. A light that shines on people and helps them heal their lives.

It showed me the power I hold within, and sketched out how to use it, where to begin.

Thank you, and thank you to the southern sanctuary, for that one and only week of dark. For your care and your support, which carried me to horizons of another sort.

The experiences I had there, though, I will keep to myself; they are personal, and for now I’ll keep them safe within myself.

Thank you once more for the journey through the dark, which was much more than a week away.

With love and respect, I wish you many beautiful days – Daniela ,a participant  in the southern sanctuary

Dear Leni, dear Tomáš,

eight months have passed since I did my dark retreat with you, and only now am I seeing how the darkness has affected me and my life.

I want to thank you once again from the bottom of my heart for what you do.

On the dark retreat I found deep calm and love

After coming back “from the dark” I was filled with deep calm and love for about a month. I felt reconciled. Everything I had lived through and seen in the dark was still echoing inside me. As time went on, I began to feel a longing to live through it all again and to find and understand the meaning of things I hadn’t understood. On the other hand, a little voice inside kept whispering that I already knew everything I needed to know. I was convinced I knew the answers and that I had mastered my ego, while in the meantime it was slowly starting to master me. But I wouldn’t admit that to myself, so I needed to go through a little lesson 🙂

The ego can’t be mastered

Several situations happened that opened my eyes again. It was a process lasting several months, full of groping in the dark, re-evaluating and tears, and at the end of it relief was waiting for me in the form of an insight: I know that I know nothing.

At last the humility came, the humility I had found in the dark and then lost again in everyday life after coming back. Actually, it wasn’t possible to lose or find anything, only to become aware of it, because becoming aware is now both the darkness and the light of my life.

Sometimes I miss the darkness, its velvety embrace full of calm, those beautiful visions, and then I remember the two nights when I experienced fear so deep that it paralysed me, and I realise that the most beautiful and most important thing I took away from the dark was finding myself and understanding that what really matters is living consciously and enjoying every moment of every day to the full.

The darkness helped me find inner calm and peace, become aware of myself and understand that there is no need to be afraid of being alone. It helped me come to terms with the passing of my loved ones, and it revealed beautiful truths and insights to me that were so deep that I misread them in my own way and didn’t understand their beauty.

All of it is still echoing inside me to this day, and I am endlessly grateful and happy that I had the chance to live through it all.

Before the dark retreat I was full of worries

People tell me I’ve changed, that I radiate calm, and I feel it myself too, and that makes me happy, because before the retreat I was full of worries, expectations, restlessness…

I’m not better or wiser, just at peace and somehow free. I no longer feel the inner tension I used to, and trivial things don’t wind me up so much. At last I feel happy for no obvious reason. Now and then I catch myself with rubbish running through my head and mindless nonsense coming out of my mouth, but luckily at least I notice it now 😀

I’ve realised that at any moment I really can decide what my life will be like. Or rather, how I will look at it and at everything that happens in it.

A dark retreat gives everyone exactly what they need. My inner need – my longing – was to find inner calm and peace.

Thank you for making it possible for me, through you :-))

From my heart and with respect for what you do

Lenka

Hi everyone, 

I was brought to a dark retreat by my unborn baby. Even before conceiving, I sometimes felt that this might be my path, I gave it free space, until during one meditation in my 7th month it became clear.

Finding a dark retreat during pregnancy isn’t easy

Thanks to the wonderful approach of Tomáš and Lenka Roud, I was able to undergo darkness therapy even in the 8th month of pregnancy, although other providers of this service had discouraged me because of possible complications or a possible premature birth.

An amazing 5-day dark retreat

My baby and I spent 5 days in the dark. It was amazing. I found that it wasn’t anything new for me, it’s the same state as when you’re at home every day, only there you have no toys (computer, kitchen, cleaning, etc.). So you are really alone with yourself.

At first I slept, and only around day 3 did the first wave come, when fears I thought I had dealt with long ago started to come loose from my subconscious. They appeared in various forms, the best of them being a nightmare.

I found the light within me on a dark retreat

With dreams like that, light or a hug always used to help me, but here, when you wake up, you’re alone and it’s dark everywhere, so the only light is within you. And that was the greatest treasure I found in myself.

The light in me that shines even when it’s dark all around. After the darkness therapy ended, many more tests came of course, it had an aftermath of about 14 days.

Now, a month later, I can say that this deep family theme has been worked through and lived with love. Many thanks to my baby and to Tomáš and Lenka Roud, who were very friendly and kind.

And those lunches, yum 😀

Natálie