People can head into the dark for a number of reasons. Either they want a rest from the rush of work or to try an unconventional, slightly mysterious attraction, but most go on a dark retreat for answers – for guidance on how to solve their problems or the question marks in their lives.
In my case it was about a “rebirth”. I needed to be born again into a balanced, easy-going, laughing state. Over the past month I had lost myself in emotions that I took for LOVE. I was often sad, emotionally unstable, out of balance… I just wasn’t MYSELF. I tried to find my lost SELF travelling around Europe, without much success. All my thoughts revolved around one single subject. Well, there would have been nothing wrong with that, if it hadn’t been for the self-pity and worries that came with those thoughts. I was consumed by longing, clinging, jealousy and lust, all passing themselves off as Love.
I booked my dark retreat from abroad
In Lithuania I responded to a newly available date for the Dark and hoped it wouldn’t be too late.
And now here I am! I can’t see anything, really nothing (just staring into the dark), and I’m waiting to see what happens. How could a stay in a blacked-out cabin bring me back to the calm I’d lost?
It started wonderfully. After 23 hours of walking (111.5 km) to Lomec I lie down and sleep until the first knock. A knock? Tomáš knocks, I close my eyes, and then I give myself over to delicious vegan food: a main course, soup, a pile of fruit and a RAW bar. I thoroughly enjoyed all the treats.
What to do in the dark? (I’m sure you’ll be more inventive than me 🙂
- Strength training: The sanctuary has enough space for press-ups, sit-ups, handstands, yoga… in any case, training in the dark is strangely harder than in the light, which is why a few days after coming out of the dark I can do more than 100 press-ups in a row.
- Meditation: Chanting mantras and breathing exercises should be an essential part of every day in the dark – they calm you, nourish you spiritually and put you in a good mood for whatever comes next.
- Harmonica: A musical instrument is a great companion in the Dark and also a meditation aid (I hope my improvisations didn’t disturb the people in the other sanctuaries)
- Sleep: You’ll simply sleep through most of the time. The darkness keeps pumping melatonin into your body, so you get a proper rest. You’ll be kept company by dreams, which thanks to the darkness lose none of their vividness.
- Thinking: Thinking nearly made me end my dark retreat early. You can’t keep thoughts at bay. There’s nothing to distract your attention… you can’t see 🙂 Of course, the thoughts touch the most sensitive corners of your soul. It can be quite painful, but in the end it makes you stronger. Combined with “happy” thoughts, you can look at the “sad” ones more positively. In the end I managed that, but I wasn’t on my own. Halfway through the retreat I was in crisis and thinking of ending it, so I invited Tomáš, the therapist, into the dark. I confided in him, and with a few words he reprogrammed my thinking. Tom switched me onto a different track, and I didn’t leave it until the end of the retreat (and still haven’t :-)).
- One-off and other activities in the Dark:
– flushing my head in the toilet (I wanted to put myself in the shoes of bullied people who were forced to do it – done voluntarily, it’s pleasantly refreshing :-))
– an intimate relationship with a fly (it buzzed around my sanctuary for 4 days and landed on just about every part of my body)
– measuring the cabin (every day I measured the dimensions of the sanctuary with my thumbs)
– masturbation (no comment :-))
– watching pulsating light patterns on my retina (apparently a “confused” optic nerve is to blame)
– keeping a blind diary (surprisingly, it was all readable and the drawings were very funny)
After the darkness therapy
I come out of the sanctuary shyly. With great expectations, but also a little fear. I left the womb (the safety of the dark) and was born into a beautiful world. Since then I keep smiling and enjoying life the way I used to.
Thank you to Tom and his family for their help!
