My dark retreat took place at the turn of May and June. It began pleasantly with a long sleep and surprisingly vivid, colourful dreams. They stayed with me throughout the retreat. When I woke up I could recall them very clearly, and I thought each of them would make for an interesting analysis…
What am I going to do here all week on my own?
After I first woke up, when I opened my eyes and realised I was here in the dark, anxiety came over me at the thought of what I would do here all week on my own.… and it’s so lovely outside… After a while I got used to the darkness, and a feeling came of surrendering to a situation that I had chosen myself, after all, and for the first 3 days I slept and dreamed a looot. Accept the situation and take it one little step at a time. Don’t torment yourself with thoughts about the future.
I took a shaman drum, a Tibetan singing bowl, a stone, paper and crayons with me into the dark.
But the darkness wasn’t dark at all…
After the first days of sleeping I thought I’d grown into the bed. I didn’t even want to get up to go to the loo. When the bed stopped being comfortable, I lay down on a mat on the floor and simply gazed into the darkness. But the darkness wasn’t dark at all; situations from my past and present life played out in front of my eyes. Childhood experiences stored deep down came back to me. I could watch it all like a film. Some brought emotions of joy, some of sadness, some just drifted past neutrally. They brought with them a greater understanding of myself and my life.
In the dark I saw shapes
What gradually drew me more and more out of my mind were the lights, and sometimes shapes, that appeared to me in the dark. The one that kept coming back most was a mosaic in the shape of the flower of life, shot through with colours.
Light phenomena were with me all the time, and they grew more intense as time went on. I perceived light coming from my body in the chest area and around my head. I started joking about it and telling myself that the lights were gradually coming on. 🙂 As if someone had switched on a dim little light above my head or at the sides.
I perceived…
From the 3rd-4th day I started doing sun salutations, tai chi and other exercises in the mornings and evenings. Then I meditated and played the drum and the bowl. It was beautiful to perceive the tones so undisturbed and so fully.
All the senses except sight (which could take a rest) seemed to wake up in the dark.
I managed to deepen my meditation, with what was for me a significant realisation about the importance of opening the heart. The strength hidden in it is healing, both for me and for those near and far. I should never forget that in life, and I should support and develop that healing strength.
The moment finally came!
On the last night before the wake-up call I didn’t sleep much any more, and I was excitedly looking forward to the door opening and walking outside. The moment finally came and I went to watch the sunrise 🙂 . The birds were giving a beautiful concert, and I could enjoy the fresh air and the changing colours until daybreak and a bright summer day.
If I had to describe it in one word, it would be… gratitude.
Thank you…
Veronika
