Hi Lenka and Tomáš,
for me the dark retreat was a spur-of-the-moment idea. I was searching the internet for meditation in Prague and found your website at a moment when all the sanctuaries were free on the only date I could come. Coincidence? Of course not. I don’t believe in coincidences any more. I’ve been through my own personal hell, and it took me a long, hard time to get out of it. Even so, I didn’t prepare for anything, didn’t get anything ready, but I didn’t expect anything either. I simply arrived on Saturday, looked everything over, put my glasses aside and switched off the light.
Determined to experience first-hand what it would do to me. Determined to spend a week with nobody but the most important person for me-myself.
The darkness is beautiful
Pure, warm and embracing. I didn’t feel restricted in any way, and thanks to the size of the sanctuary I had no trouble finding my way around. From the second day on I had beautiful, long, peaceful dreams in colour, and I still have them.
Everything ran in one cycle
My routine settled into the “rhythm of the radiator”. When it switched on, I sat with my back to the warmth and did breathing exercises. When the heating stopped giving out heat, I went on to exercise my whole body. Then came a short rest, and round and round again.
If that sounds strange to you, I have to say that I have never in my life exercised voluntarily. (The breathing exercises were prescribed to me two years ago 🙂 ) . The only change came after meals. You can’t exercise then, so I made myself comfortable on the bed and did nothing. Really NOTHING.
When the light went out, all my thoughts went out too.
I can’t remember ever having had the feeling of a completely empty head. It’s strange to describe. How am I supposed to express a real NOTHING?
My head was just one single closed cell filled with darkness. It was an amazing and powerful rest. Maybe I scared Tomáš when I told him on the last day that I felt like I was at a spa…
I brought a wish with me into the dark
I brought just one wish with me into the dark-to change my relationship with food. Thanks to the darkness I didn’t feel hungry, which was wonderful. But the food Lenka cooks is so fantastic that I simply ate everything. I’ll have to keep working on that one…
On the way out of the Darkness
Meanwhile, outside, snow had fallen. It was freezing, and on my way out of the dark I saw one of the most beautiful sunrises ever. Besides the horizontal bands of dawn, there was also a pillar of light pointing straight up into a dark cloud.
My stay with you was actually quite simple and ordinary. Maybe it showed me that the bad times are behind me. Maybe that I have nothing to be afraid of. Maybe also that wherever I am, someone important is always with me-ME.
Vlastimila
