Category: Participants’ experiences

How do I feel after my dark retreat?

My dark retreat was a month and a half ago

It’s been a month and a half since my dark retreat, and I have to say I feel much better than I did before it… I went into the dark because I felt the need to stop somehow. I was living in enormous chaos and didn’t know how to rest. I also wanted to think some things through, mainly relationships. I was pretty scared of it – 6 days and nights shut in with myself, with no way to distract myself. At home I couldn’t bear being alone for even an hour any more. I was always looking for a reason not to be there, rushing from one event to the next, sport, culture, and I practically only slept at home, and badly at that – for two months I’d had serious sleep problems and was getting about 2-3 hours a day. I was terribly tired all the time, but I couldn’t stop. So among other things, I was hoping the dark retreat would let me get a proper rest…

I didn’t sleep much during the dark retreat

So: sleep hardly came at all, I slept as little as I did at home, and it felt like I could never last, because time had almost stood still and I was alone with my thoughts. On top of that, on the third day the soft bed did my back in terribly, so I thought about giving up, and I was genuinely quite worried about myself, because it happened just after Lenka had brought me food and I knew Tomáš wouldn’t come for roughly another 24 hours. I lay on the floor, couldn’t move, I was afraid of the pain, and I knew that if I stayed I wouldn’t even be able to exercise for the rest of the stay and time would pass even more slowly. In the end Tomáš came, and I even managed to make a makeshift bed on the floor on a sleeping mat, which I padded with my winter jacket and a jumper. That’s how I lay until the end of the stay – the soft bed was out of the question for me. In the end I even managed the toilet and the shower.

And then I was here and now

My thoughts slowly began to slow down, there were fewer and fewer of them, and on the second-to-last day I suddenly realised with amazement that I wasn’t thinking about anything at all, only about what is here and now. It was like a revelation for me – I can’t remember ever feeling that in my life. Even today, more than two months after the stay, I’m calmer and more balanced, my relationships with the people around me have improved on their own without my actually working on them during the stay, and I feel more or less fine. Now and then the thought even flashes through my head that I might go on a dark retreat again some day.

And one more thing: I found out that food tastes much better when you don’t use your eyes, you eat less of it, and I managed to lose three kilos without doing anything for it. I never ate everything I was given, which for me is unheard of 🙂

Thank you, Tomáš, also for the chats every day when you brought me food – they helped me a lot. I wish you both love and peace, and every success with this wonderful work.

With love

Míla

Dear Lenka and Tomáš, I’m sorry I didn’t get in touch sooner, but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind for it, so only now. I’m sending my story to everyone who wants to go on a dark retreat but is still hesitating.

I’ve known about darkness therapy for years

I’d been sort of flirting with the idea for a good few years, but it was more out of curiosity. Then over the last two years, as my life and some of the problems in it were picking up speed, about six months in something inside me said “go into the dark”, but then it faded again, the time wasn’t right yet. Only at the end of the year, when the crisis with my husband was coming to a head, did it speak up again, much more urgently, and I knew that now was the right moment. I sat down straight away and booked a date, but the first free one wasn’t until July. Well, fine, I told myself, it’s as it should be. In January I decided to deal with my crisis by moving out from my husband, at least for a while. Just to explain: after 42 years I felt somehow drained, with no joy in life, we were more or less living side by side rather than together, and I felt this was wrong, that we surely couldn’t go on living like this for another 10 or 20 years, but I couldn’t change it, even though I’d worked on myself a lot. The moment I made that decision, a date on 13 February came free. By then I’d already been moved out for a week and my husband was going through a total breakdown, because he himself didn’t feel anything was wrong. But I have to say we kept talking to each other the whole time; my husband went through several stages, from me throwing him out for good, to divorce, to coming to terms with the situation. He knew I was going into the dark and expected a lot from it, how I’d sort us out in there.

And then the dark retreat began

And then D-day came, and after those tense days I was looking forward to it. Tomáš showed me into the cabin, explained everything, and when he left I piled my things together, had a shower, switched off my phone and – turned out the light. I lay down on the bed and the darkness was wonderful. After a while I got so used to it that it didn’t even seem that dark to me; above all it felt somehow round, the space embraced me beautifully. I slept through most of the first two days too, but already on the second day my soul started to speak up, thoughts came, but not about my husband – I didn’t think of him once the whole week. My soul wanted to deal with more urgent things: my need to have things under control, my relationship with money, my relationship with myself as a woman. I’ll admit that while I was working through the first of these, my body joined in too, and it wasn’t exactly pleasant. I went through quite a painful process, but I came through it, and thanks to talking things over with Tomáš every time he brought me food, I kept moving further and further, until I got back to my childhood and to my dad. And what I hadn’t managed in years, I resolved in a single day in the dark, when I understood how terribly I had missed being loved as a girl, because my parents had wanted a boy. And how I, as a girl, had suppressed myself my whole life right up until now, and how that was where my problems with men in general came from, and so with my own husband too. Not loving myself – my lifelong problem.

And then I simply enjoyed the dark retreat

Friday came and from then on I just enjoyed it. I have to say I really don’t know whether I slept at all those last 2 days; it was more something between sleeping, dreaming and being awake. All kinds of images often came to me, it was really interesting. I’d set myself up for 7 days, so for me it was just right, but if I hadn’t limited myself like that, I could certainly have stayed longer. Why not – the raw food was excellent, I didn’t miss anything. The morning was amazing, even though dawn came earlier than I expected, so I came out into the light, but I still savoured the sunrise from beginning to end.

And the return to reality?

The next day my husband came to see me with a bouquet of red roses and thanked me for moving out, because only now did he understand how we had been living and what really matters. He was a bit disappointed when I told him what I’d been working through in the dark. But only over many more conversations did he understand that to sort out my share in our relationship, I had to sort out my dad and other relationships too.

Whenever anyone asks me what the dark retreat gave me, I say: there’s life before and life after. It brought me real joy into every day, self-love, and above all I now live in the here and now. And my husband? I can’t stop marvelling at where all of it – the way he thinks today – came from in him. In the deepest part of the crisis before the dark, my middle son asked me: Mum, is it worth it to you, putting Dad and yourself through this at your age, when you don’t know how much longer you’ll be here? After so many years of life together? I told him yes, it’s worth it to me, because I want to live my life, not just scrape through it. And today my husband and I agree that it really was worth it, even if it were only for one single year.

From the bottom of my heart I thank you, Tomáš and Lenka – thank you for being here and for helping people. Even though today I know that the “miracle” that happened is the sum of the energies of many, many people.

Thank you all, and thank you to God for giving me this experience.

Milena

Hi Lenka and Tomáš,

I’m replying to your email to write you a few lines about my experience of the “dark retreat”. To be honest, the feelings are, well, of both kinds, positive as well as negative, but the negative ones prevail.
From my point of view, the dark retreat has become something of a fashion, and I think I too gave in to the temptation to try it. I didn’t read much about it, and before I arrived I tried not to look up who had written what and how it goes.

A dark retreat as an instrument of torture

Yes, you come across all sorts of information, especially today in the internet age, but if you’re slightly better educated than average, have lived a bit and have your own view of the world, then you know that it has been, and in some places still is, an instrument of torture too. I didn’t think about it much and dived straight in headfirst with a clear goal: “To test myself and get through those 7 days in the dark.”
The reality hit me as soon as I arrived. A quick look round the little house, lights off and the start of “getting my bearings”. The first night I suspected you’d sleep right through, but I kept waking up and I, my body, soul and mind, started to clench up inside. I had never had any experience of meditation, I don’t belong to any religious ideology, nor do I live my life by commandments. To cut a long story short, I lasted 3.5 days!
Too little for some, a lot for others.

And what did the dark retreat give me?

One big new life experience. I think also new ways of looking at myself, at thoughts and opinions, and also the realisation that things can always be worse. We all live here in abundance, in surplus, and we still keep moaning about how everything is cr..p. Things can be better, but only we ourselves can do something about it!!! We each have our own opinion, our own view of the world, our own level of pride and honour.
I really tried, I fought to hold out, but then more negative signs took over and I switched the light on. I asked myself why I should put myself through such hardship voluntarily? On the third day, for example, I tried standing in one spot exactly like a castle guard. And the answer? Why did someone powerful come up with the idea that a soldier has to stand there motionless for a whole hour??? Who is that good for, and in this day and age at that??? And so I staged my own little private revolution! Up, click, and let there be light!
Today I still look at it with enormous respect, and I don’t think I’ll try it again.

Thank you, and take very, very good care of yourselves, because out here in the light it really is beautiful.

Marcel

PS: And I’d like my lines to be published. 🙂

I was looking forward to the dark retreat.
I gave it as a present – to myself – for my birthday.
I approached the whole thing as a kind of wellness break — mainly to rest.

To step off the everyday merry-go-round, disconnect from the world, enjoy the peace, the silence, the vegetarian food and “switch off”.
In doing so I actually connected COMPLETELY with myself……….:-)

Darkness is a good friend of mine

I’m good at being alone, darkness is a good friend of mine, and there was no major life step I needed to sort out.

I told myself, give it a go and see………..what it does to you………..whether you can handle it.

The first three days were for acclimatising, my body was getting used to a different routine…….I’m glad I decided on a whole week, because for me the first three days were just a kind of preparation for what came afterwards…..learning to do NOTHING takes enough time;-)

No panic, and no packing up and fleeing either.

On the contrary – when I knew it was my last day, I felt a pang of disappointment that the dark retreat was already ending.

I was looking forward to seeing my family………….but the calm and peace I experienced here were blissful.

It was as if I were in the state before birth. In my mummy’s tummy. I didn’t want to come out.

Ending the dark retreat was a “birth”

Being “born” into the world again – now that was purgatory! For me personally, coming out of the dark was harder than going into it.

Outside I was terribly cold, and the starry sky knocked me sideways so much that I had to sit down. I couldn’t walk, my legs were shaking.

I’m not surprised babies scream when they’re born……the light – well, the dusk really – and the cold are a shock.

I was staggering about, everything was spinning. It took me several hours to switch back into functioning mode; my body was getting used to the change again – to functioning and reacting – to light, movement, noise, activity, speech………..

Will I do a dark retreat again?

Do it again?

DEFINITELY, and gladly…….but more likely some time in spring or summer, so that I’m reborn into the warmth 🙂 and can lie down in the grass.

…..it was very cleansing, not just physically but mentally too — I wonder how much energetic waste each person leaves behind there, because I myself left two big sacks of baggage standing by the door…which I refuse to drag through life with me any longer.

All three of us in our group completed the whole week and stayed to the end.

That made me happy.

Something I found interesting afterwards was discovering that all three of us had kept a diary in the dark.

A big thank you for what you do – I don’t know if it can be called work — more of a mission, which you carry out for other people.

I’m not surprised you have such a long waiting list, and it was good news to read in your e-mail that you plan to build a northern sanctuary.

Now and then, in private, I go back into the dark and the silence and try to recreate the calm and well-being I came to know with you.

With all best wishes and warm regards

Jana

P.S. I take the fact that I lost 2 kilos by doing nothing and eating great food as a particularly funny side effect:-D

Hi,

it was SUPER at your place! Really. I wasn’t scared of the dark, or excited about it either, just neutral feelings. My goal was clear – to take a break from the digital world, from light, from screens, from electronics, a bit from people too, and above all to find out whether I could hack it or would pack the dark retreat in after a few hours…

I arrived in the evening after dark, Tom quickly showed me round my little cabin, showed me everything I needed, brought me fruit and tea and some muesli in a box, I had a shower, sent a few photos to my mates, switched off my phone and turned out the light…

The first night I didn’t sleep much, I’d guess I slept an hour or two, then stared into the dark for an hour, and that’s basically how it went until “morning”, when I couldn’t get back to sleep… Suddenly there was a knock-knock and the first meal had arrived. I didn’t want to be told what I was eating, and I warmly recommend that to everyone. The food is truly fabulous, especially the soups – nothing bland and childish like a school canteen, but gorgeous, fragrant potato soup with mushrooms…a fantastic lentil soup.. then great salads with goat’s cheese, a classic shopska salad, I even had a pancake with something sweet :-D, a brilliant risotto… I really enjoyed the food…

It was my first dark retreat

Since this was my first dark retreat, I didn’t want to risk dying of boredom in there, so I brought a tiny mp3 player that doesn’t light up and has no display…I loaded it with ancient radio plays and a few audiobooks I’d otherwise have neither the inclination nor the time for… I deliberately didn’t bring any music…just the spoken word, and it was great…

I also foolishly thought I’d do loads of exercise, but in the whole time I only did about 100 press-ups and a few sit-ups… I had a notepad and pencil with me too and jotted down a few notes; mostly they were no use to me, I didn’t come up with anything groundbreaking in the dark… shame :))

My biggest struggle was probably not being able to air the place properly… the heat recovery and the fan are really nice and do change the air, but it takes a while… I was dying to throw the door wide open “at night” and let some air in… next time I’d do it…maybe with a scarf over my eyes..

The dark retreat flew by

And so seven days flew by just like that.. Suddenly the alarm beeped behind the shower, I opened the door in fascination, took a deep breath and walked out… within moments we’d met our nice fellow participants from the cabins next door and went for a walk right through the village to somewhere it was slowly starting to get light, and for the next two hours we just stood by the road waiting for the sun… For the first half hour we were staggering about like drunks until our eyes and brains got used to the 3D world again 🙂

Lenka and Tomáš provide fantastic support, each in their own way.. Tom will talk through your innermost feelings with you, Lenka will happily tell you a dirty joke or gladly listen to yours… Either way, they’re there for you, and if you want them they’ll help, and if you don’t want anything, they’ll be gone in a minute…

A few tips for people who’d get really bored:

– you can measure (estimate) time by how fast the tea in the thermos cools… if it’s still boiling hot even after you’ve been awake for a while, it really isn’t morning yet… lukewarm tea = food’s coming any minute 😀

– the shower helps enormously with boredom, even if it’s only 10 minutes; it always gave me a strange kind of energy and time then went much faster

– better cold than hot; I hardly turned the heating on, the cabin is well insulated, and although it was a bit chilly in the February gales, you sleep much better, honestly..

– a great laugh is counting how many hours you’ve already done (roughly) and how many are left…

A few tips for Tom and Lenka:

– that plum or cherry tree by the first cabin has a few branches resting on the roof, and it’s really annoying how they scrape the roof the whole time… for the more mentally fragile it could even be a bit scary 😀

– the shower enclosure is really tiny, I didn’t even try turning on the hydromassage… I’d prefer an ordinary but roomier one 🙂

– the mattress was fine, but after a week you can really feel that it’s lying on plain boards and not on a slatted base…a basic one from IKEA for a few quid would do – it would massively improve sleeping comfort :))

– I’d drill in a few hooks so there’s somewhere to hang a towel and maybe the clothes I arrived in… so they’re not lying around on the floor…

– and what would be mega mega super (especially in winter) is waiting for the sunrise in warm water… (a hot tub or just a plain bathing barrel…) You come out into the cold and wait for the sun in the cold… I’d happily pay through the nose for that… we warmed ourselves up by running up and down the road 😀 😀 So – try buying/renting a few square metres somewhere outside the village and setting up something brilliant like that for the winter… I think everyone would love you even more 😀

Bye

Kuba

 

For me, a dark retreat wasn’t just a crazy idea of the moment. The thought had kept coming back to me again and again for quite a while. I once watched some report online, then read Jaroslav Dušek’s book Tvary tmy (Shapes of Darkness) and visited the Invisible Exhibition. Then my feeling that I had to try it slowly grew stronger, until the decision came: “I’m going for it”. I started searching online for places where this kind of retreat is practised. The website of Lenča and Tomáš Roud caught my attention the most, so I booked a dark retreat. I was lucky and got a date in less than 4 months.

Heading for the dark retreat

Armed with the participants’ experiences, which I had been reading bit by bit, I set off towards new experiences. I’ll admit that the day before leaving, while I was packing, I got a little nervous. To calm myself down, I tried a “shower in the dark” at home and found it was actually really pleasant. And so I started looking forward to it again. I had all sorts of expectations and ideas about everything I would sort out, and I was looking forward to everything the darkness would show me. In the end, though, I told myself that if none of it worked out, at least I’d get a proper rest and plenty of sleep (and that really came true 100%).
After I arrived, Lenča showed me the cabin and we agreed on everything we needed to. We hit it off straight away and found that we were on a similar, if not the same, wavelength (at least that’s how I felt). Then I calmly found my way around the cabin, put my things away, ate the snack-dinner I’d brought from home, texted my loved ones, had a shower (already in the half-dark) and then switched off the light. Sleep came immediately. On the first and second days I slept a really great deal. Only from the third day did I start to create some kind of daily routine.

The dark retreat went by fast

The days went by quite fast and I wasn’t bored for a moment. I enjoyed the amazing feeling of being here and now, not having to do anything, being at peace and doing whatever I wanted right then. Nobody disturbed me, nobody wanted anything, I didn’t have to do anything. I exercised, sang, meditated, talked to the angels, just lay there, wrote a diary (some of it is even readable 🙂 ). I even got round to dealing with some unresolved “skeletons in the closet”.
Every day I looked forward to Lenča and Tomáš coming. By the way they approached, I could tell which of them was bringing me something tasty to eat again, because the food was truly amazing. I really enjoyed working out what I was actually eating and savouring the food. Sometimes I didn’t even get round to savouring it and just wolfed it down.
One day Lenča had more time, so we talked a bit longer, which was very nice and pleasant. From that conversation, a thought stayed in my head, a kind of longing for a trip to India and for more discovering and searching for my path.
The retreat flew by, and not once did I feel like grabbing the door handle and running outside. On the contrary, I was surprised that 2 days before the end I became scared of going outside. It took me a whole day to calm down and convince myself that it was safe for me outside the cabin too, that my family and friends were waiting for me at home and looking forward to seeing me.

The darkness gave me what it had to give

Looking back, I don’t know whether the darkness gave me what I expected from it. I also didn’t have experiences like the ones I’d read about from other participants, but I know it gave me what it was meant to at that time. Being alone, here and now, calm and at ease. I know it isn’t bad at all, but very kind (after reading a post by one participant, I made sure to ask the darkness right at the start to welcome me kindly and protect me) and loving.
In any case, I know that in the very first week after returning “to the light” I started to miss it. I still get that occasional feeling of longing now, more than a month after the retreat. Sometimes I remind myself of the retreat at home, at least by showering in the dark. The bathroom is the only place where you can create darkness at least a bit like in the cabin.
I don’t know whether I’ll go back into the dark again, but I know there is still a longing in me to go further and keep searching, even more for myself and my purpose.

Thank you, darkness, cabin, Lenča and Tomáš, for the warm welcome.

Lucie

What was a week in the dark like?

Short.

I didn’t think ahead about what it would be like in the dark; inside, I knew that I wanted it (and probably that I already knew it). Only once did the thought flash through my mind that maybe I was being overconfident and ought at least to visit the Café in the Dark first, but I never found the time, so I simply came.

A dark retreat just for me

Once there, I had a clear sense that it had all been prepared precisely for me. A small wooden cabin, warm, a comfortable bed, a hot shower, an exercise mat on the floor, exactly the kind I’d ended up leaving at home so as not to bring too much, and plenty of room to exercise. I appreciated being able to turn the light off myself, and to unpack and get ready the way I needed to.

Otherwise it probably went pretty much by the book.

The first 2 days I slept a lot (and meditated a little – exercised – ate).

The next 2 days I daydreamed a lot and imagined specific things, though nothing earth-shattering – like how I’d want to spend 4 days in Paris with my younger daughter, or how to be a vegan in a way I’d actually enjoy (and I meditated – exercised – ate). Somewhere in the middle I dreamt that I’d gone out running at night “by mistake” and ruined the whole stay; I told Lenka about it and was amused when she said all of us had come up with something similar that day.

And then the dark retreat took off

In the last 2 days I finally started working on myself. Until then time had passed at a reasonable pace; from that moment it began to fly. At one point I was convinced it was still evening and Tomáš arrived with food for the next day already, which slightly alarmed me. Shortly before the stay I had opened up the ability to access past lives (my own) and clear them, so I went through the problems of my life and their roots, as far as I could manage. Some things were intense, but I enjoyed it a lot; the prevailing feeling was one of enormous joy and adventure that something like this is even possible, despite the fact that you’re opening up what you haven’t yet dealt with, of course. I also received specific ideas about what to do next, and answers to questions. The last answer came 10 minutes before the alarm went off; for a long while I’d been puzzling over the relationship between spontaneity and discipline (because for me they’re fairly mutually exclusive: I admire spontaneity, and I’m drawn to discipline) and inner guidance. (In case anyone happens to be interested: in the past, 50, 100, 200, 1,000 years ago, if someone wanted to become a spiritual master or at least more conscious, discipline was one of the suitable tools for working your way up to a connection above (provided it came from a pure heart and desire and was not forced or obligatory). Today the vibrations are different, and spontaneity (= harmony, inner guidance, the feeling that I do something simply because that’s how I feel it) is “better” than discipline, but there’s a small catch: you have to make sure you really are being guided by “how you feel it” and not by something else.

For example, if someone spontaneously comes to the conclusion that they want to stop smoking, excellent, and they may be lucky enough to seize the right moment and never feel like it again; but it can also happen that in a week, a month… they’ll have the “feeling” that they’ll have just one cigarette. That, though, is the memory and habit of the body, not the spontaneity you’re supposed to let guide you (let’s leave aside for now whether it’s healthy to stop smoking all at once or gradually). And there are also people (like me, for instance) who are spontaneously drawn to a certain discipline, because otherwise they tend to get so distracted by every interesting thing around them that, if they’re ever to get anywhere in life… The strength of discipline is reliability; the strength of spontaneity is openness to the here and now, and creativity. End of digression.) And I exercised and meditated, and on the last day I spontaneously skipped the food.

Darkness therapy and a lovely morning

The morning outside was overcast but lovely. I didn’t perceive any intense colours or sounds, but I was delighted that the dog greeted me and jumped up at me, perhaps more than at the other 2 participants – the last 2 things I’d been working through were about dogs… The 3 of us chatted for a while about why we’d wanted that week and how we’d experienced it, and even though I don’t really know what the other 2 participants were called, I’ll remember that conversation.

Seeing things clearly is one thing; bringing them into reality is another. Some smaller things (the children’s relationship with the dog, for instance) have improved, we’re doing more to help that along, and I understand their reactions better. My main issue is still unresolved and I didn’t manage to take all the concrete steps I could have. Then I had 2 ideas; I carried out one of them and it worked out about 75 per cent; the part I started working on right after I got back came off 100 per cent, while what I only finished off after Christmas no longer had that energy. ? The night I got back I didn’t go to sleep but got to work; but because I hadn’t slept much during the last 2 days at Tomáš and Lenka’s either, I didn’t dare pull another all-nighter; it was before Christmas, I’d been away from the children for a week. Where is that line…

With the second project I’m only really starting now; I just sorted out the practical things straight away. It’s a talk about 2 books on spiritual regression by Dolores Cannon, which are only available in English, and now I’m curious to see whether it will draw its audience.

Darkness even after coming home

On the second or third day after I got back, the transformer burnt out in our walk-in wardrobe at home, where I most often meditate and where there’s no window, so it’s dark in there 🙂 We’ve only fitted a small lamp. The ideal place to carry on 🙂

And I’ve booked another date for the summer; hopefully I’ll manage to fit it around the children’s activities; I’m a bit nervous (where is the line between working on yourself and selfishness). A week is short, so 14 days then, though for me I feel 10 would be ideal. Even though you can move about and exercise in the cabin, I’m afraid my self-discipline might slip; I’ll miss being able to walk or run… But that’s just a detail.

Many thanks to Tomáš and Lenka for the good mood, the support and the beautiful energy they spread around them.

Hi everyone,

I’ve been asked to write about my dark retreat. So I’ll try to describe the essence of my stay briefly. As I’m from Slovakia, I hope it won’t be a problem that I’m writing in my native language.

The idea of a dark retreat came from friends of mine who had already been or were just about to go. I longed to try it too, but somehow I kept putting it off. Until one day, after 7 years, my friend from Brno turned up (he really is like a brother to me) and told me he’d just come out of the dark and that his girlfriend was going in that very weekend. So I said to myself, I’m going too.
I’d had a very hard year behind me, a year marked by total collapse ( – of life expectations and plans, of old and useless patterns of behaviour, and above all, the most beautiful part – the total collapse of the EGO). It was one big chaos, but right now I see it as something wonderful – because only now does everything make sense. And the most beautiful thing about it was that little light from above which shows you the way and lovingly guides you through darkness, uncertainty and sadness – I have a bit of experience with meditation, so I devoted myself to it faithfully.

I decided to go into the dark

So when I decided to go into the dark, I told myself I definitely wanted to get it done by the end of 2015. My friend was sceptical, though, because he said waiting times were as long as 6 months. It does happen that someone doesn’t last long in the dark and two or three days free up. But I felt I wanted to go either for the whole week or not at all. I asked at about three places whether they’d be willing to put me down as a stand-in and ring me straight away if anything came up. But they were all a bit distant and wanted to communicate by email, and that didn’t suit me at all. I don’t have time to keep checking emails, and if you don’t reply fast enough, everything gets taken straight away – in a flash. But I trusted the Universe, so I just relaxed – it will be as it’s meant to be.

So I just replied drily that if it’s meant to be, the Universe will sort it out.

About three weeks later the friend I mentioned rang me and told me to call the number he’d sent me right away and ask about a dark retreat. A whole week had come free, which happens very rarely.
So I didn’t hesitate and called. The next day it was confirmed that I was first on the stand-by list.
So I packed my things, told everyone I’d be away for a week and set off for Bohemia. Basically unprepared; I had no expectations and didn’t even have a clue what was actually waiting for me. But the Universe doesn’t send you into the dark this fast for nothing.

CLICK – and there was total darkness

When I arrived, I was told the rules.
In the cabin I laid my things out so I’d have everything to hand, then came one last walk outside and CLICK – total darkness.

I sat in silence and watched everything come to a stop. There were no problems of everyday life, no noise and pressure of the system, no illusion of time, not even any thoughts. I just sat in presence and silence. It was amazing. The first day was the longest of all – it was all about “I AM”. In between observing the silence I just slept, always stretched a bit – relaxed – and meditated. The meditations were very strong and intense – focused more on relaxing the mind, an overall cleansing and a refining of vibrations. But it was still silent (and dark) – nothing was happening.

On the third day I felt so good that I had a wonderful fit of laughter and couldn’t stop laughing. Maybe you know it from childhood, or at least that’s what it reminded me of. An amazing feeling of peace and safety washed over me. I lay down on the bed and that’s when it started. From Tuesday to Friday it was one continuous conversation. I can’t even put it into words.

I asked about the things that came to mind. About the people around me. About my mission and about what lies ahead of me. It was beautiful, but also very mysterious. I didn’t forget to ask who I was actually talking to, either 😉 …
I was given pointers for my inner work for the next six months. I understood what the meaning of my life is and why I was born – all the little shards fell into place. The whole puzzle came together perfectly and revealed an amazing fragment of life.

On the last day I gradually processed all the information that had come to me. Some of it was a bit strange, in many cases even incomprehensible, because it concerned my future.

A wonderful meditation of a dark retreat

As the last day and the goodbye drew near, I realised that during the whole dark retreat I hadn’t had any feelings of anxiety, fear or uncertainty. For me the darkness was like one big, wonderful meditation, in which I understood the meaning of my life and became certain that we are never alone. That we are always given great HELP and love in every situation in life, we just have to ask for it! Because from a higher perspective, everyone respects our free will.

So, friends – ask and it shall be given to you – knock and it shall be opened to you. Walk the path of love and don’t judge – then all the processes will start by themselves.

Life is beautiful.

With love and peace in my heart

Edy

I had booked my retreat six months in advance, the six months flew by and suddenly there I was at your house. It was sleeting and Lenka handed me some wellies to change into, because it really was muddy out there. 😀

A quick look round the cabin, then deciding to hand in my phone, and the info about when the visits and chats would happen. Then all of a sudden I was on my own and all that was left was to switch off the light. 🙂

And there was darkness

So after a few minutes I switched it off and it was dark. The first day went really, really fast. Before I knew it, Lenka was knocking on the door with some excellent food (soup, vegan lentils and nuts with dried fruit).

The second day went quickly too, much like the first, because I slept a lot.

From the third day on, though, things started to happen. I went deeper into myself and the darkness filled me completely.

I hardly slept, and images of important things passed through me, things I knew I was carrying and still needed to resolve. The darkness helped me understand small and hugely important details. I realised I had to sort out specific things from the past to really move forward, and now, within a month of the dark retreat, I’ve managed it and I’m making good progress working on it. I’m truly very grateful and happy about that. I feel joyful and free. 🙂 Liberated and no longer tied to the past.

Four days in a row, Lenka brought me exactly the meals I’d been thinking about the day before. I’ll never forget the apricot bake I had on the last day, Friday. For several minutes I just sat there breathing in the smell of apricots! So simple and so amazing.

The morning after the dark retreat was magical

When I stepped outside at 6 on Saturday morning it was so magical! It was still dark, with a perfectly clear sky before dawn. One of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Such a gorgeous Moon and stars. I couldn’t get enough of it. Then Tom welcomed us back “into the world” and we went to breakfast along with two other guys who had been in the neighbouring cabins.

There was so much laughter at breakfast, I couldn’t stop smiling, I felt such joy, happiness and love that there was no other way. 🙂 It was wonderful. I met the children, whom Lenka and Tom have brought up beautifully, and I enjoyed suddenly being able to see everything and take in the sunrise.

In the dark I met myself

I feel the whole week went by very quickly in the end. You meet yourself; there really is nobody and nothing there except “me”, and that’s a big challenge. But once you manage it, you become someone who knows themselves and knows who they are. And in my view, that’s an essential condition for being happy in life in the long run. To know who and what you are, and to accept it deep down.

I recommend it with all my heart to everyone I talk to about it, and I recommend a dark retreat to you who are reading these lines too.

If you’re reading this and thinking about a dark retreat, it’s the best thing you can do for yourself and for the people around you.

I believe I’ll be back at least once more, and I’d love to try it sometime in spring, when all of nature is waking up and its sounds can be heard a bit more than at the turn of November and December.

PS: I can’t remember any other holiday that left me with so much energy, or one where I wasn’t depressed about coming home.

Lenka and Tom, thank you so much for the chance to get to know you and for the opportunity to stay in your cabin for a dark retreat, alone with myself, and to get to know myself.

Say hello to everyone at home and have a wonderful time 🙂

Roman

Hi Lenka and Tomáš,

as for my dark retreat, I don’t even know what to say, except perhaps that it was a really valuable experience, one I’d love to repeat.

Since the dark retreat I feel calmer

Even after almost two months I feel calmer and definitely more balanced than before my stay with you. When I got home, a family crisis was waiting for me, and the things I found out were not pleasant at all. The dark retreat and my conversation with Tomáš showed me a different way of looking at everyone around me, and above all at my family. I have to say it helped me a lot to deal with the situation with a bit of perspective and love.

The darkness in the cabin is kind

Otherwise, the darkness inside the cabin felt kind to me, somehow my own; I wasn’t afraid of it at all, which surprised even me. The only thing I was wary of was that strange darkness out there, outside. I don’t know why, but it really bothered me that I couldn’t lock myself in the cabin. I kept worrying that an uninvited guest might come into the cabin (I don’t mean Tomáš and Lenka), but maybe some curious person wanting to know what was inside. Thank you for making it possible for me to spend a week in the dark, and also that it was with you.

I think Tomáš is an excellent therapist; unfortunately I didn’t get the chance to meet Lenka in person.

Have a wonderful 2016, and I hope we’ll meet again some day, I’d really love that.

With love, Katka