I have to say that I sobered up from the naive, romantic idea I had probably picked up from the works of Lobsang Rampa, other books or online sources. I think a bit of demystification is in order for those who are thinking about going on their first dark retreat, or for the people close to them.

First I’d like to mention the place I chose for my dark retreat – Léčba tmou, run by Tomáš and Lenka. A family atmosphere, good organisation, excellent food and lovely surroundings. I don’t think more needs to be said. The occasional bit of noise here and there, which didn’t bother me in the least (the earplugs provided could have been used), so I can wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone.

And now to the retreat itself. After arriving and introducing ourselves to each other, I crawled into my cabin. I switched the lights off relatively late, because although I thought I hadn’t neglected my preparation, reality turned out a little different 🙂 At the last minute I was still setting up call forwarding to my voicemail. Next time, for peace of mind, I’ll leave someone a power of attorney too. While there was still light, I also tried out the shower.

I slept through the first two days of darkness therapy

Even though I couldn’t fall asleep at first, you could say I slept through the first two days, albeit in a very broken way. At home I’m used to wrapping myself up in a 200×200 blanket, so I was glad of the small sleeping bag that I used to supplement the ordinary-sized blanket. It’s more about the feeling, really; the whole time I never had to turn the heating up. But I was tearing my hair out that it hadn’t occurred to me to bring my own anatomical pillow, because you spend quite a lot of time with it over the course of a week. Even though I’d been warned that I needed to cover my eyes when the food was brought, because a little light shows around the door, I didn’t always manage it 100% and in the beginning a bit of light got through to me. Next time I’ll definitely pack a scarf or an eye mask.

At times I felt as if my head would boil 🙂

On the third day my aching body forced me into some stretching exercises. That happened once more during the week, but otherwise, apart from trips to get food and for hygiene, I spent the whole 6 days and 7 nights lying in bed. Suddenly I’d had enough sleep and the mind could no longer defend itself against all the suppressed ballast that started to surface. Problems at work, childhood memories, everything you’d most like to forget – all in full colour 🙂 At first I tried to steer it and get as close to my birth as I could, which I managed to about the age of 3 (first steps, potty training), but that only lasted until the next day. Then a specific problem appeared that didn’t leave me until the very end. To give you an idea, imagine your least favourite conflict situation, playing in your head with variations at a rate of dozens of images an hour. At times I felt as if my head was going to boil 🙂

Which brings me to the food. As I’ve already mentioned, it was very tasty. A few pieces of fruit for breakfast, a full vegetarian meal for lunch (soup, main course and dessert) and a box of oat flakes as a backup. I have to say the amount is sufficient, and eating only until you’re half full actually helps the whole process. Of course I didn’t underestimate anything and brought a “side supply” of oat bars, nuts and dried fruit, but I admit I used it more as an escape from my own mind than because I was genuinely hungry.

Audio is an escape from the dark

I’d also see listening to audio as an escape; luckily I didn’t bring any, though I’d been considering it. It would probably just have distracted me from what was needed. Another distraction, but a pleasant and welcome one, can be a chat with the guide. Personally I didn’t make any use of it and didn’t need it either. The various forms of meditative exercise I’m used to doing didn’t go well for me, because I felt a constant pressure in my head the whole time. So it was better just to lie there and do nothing.

I’d like to say that, looking back, I see the problem in my unrealistic expectations and the far too fundamental questions I wanted answers to. All week I thought I was doing something wrong and that the retreat would be a waste. When I finally made my peace with it on the penultimate day, started looking forward to the things I’d do outside again and relaxed, then to my astonishment, in the last few hours before leaving, the solution came. I’ve decided not to write anything specific, because it’s relatively personal and I’ll probably be processing the whole experience for a long time yet, but it’s fair to say that the combination of the images that came, my inner voice, the interpretation of dreams and the subsequent events outside gave me clear answers.

On the last night a bee was sent to lay down its life to reinforce the lesson I was being taught. By stinging me on the hand, and me then stepping on it, I gave myself a proper freak-out for the next few hours 🙂 It took a while before I calmed down and dispelled the picture of myself in the middle of the night, disorientated, unable to switch on my phone, in the throes of an allergic reaction, looking for help somewhere. It was the only moment I thought I’d have to leave the cabin early. In the end I was grateful I’d brought slippers and so didn’t have to worry about moving around the room any further.

And nature was waking up

On Saturday at 4 in the morning I was woken by the alarm clock I’d been given by Tomáš so that I wouldn’t miss the dawn. One by one we all clambered out of our cabins and set off on a short walk around the area. It was lovely to see the whole of nature waking up. Although my head was spinning for quite a long time and I thought I’d go and lie down again afterwards, in the end I was full of energy. Around 6 o’clock we said our goodbyes, I had a quick shower and set off home as well.

So what to say in conclusion? In terms of feeling, I perceive the dark retreat as one long night that passed very quickly. There was no Blair Witch, instant enlightenment or conversations with little green men. Maybe after a longer period than 7 days. The intensity will probably depend a great deal on how “clogged up” a person is, but I think that for someone who doesn’t suffer from a serious mental disorder it’s a relatively harmless experience. Personally I’d be tempted to see what happens around the 14–21 day mark, but perhaps some other time. In any case, a week in the dark gives you enough space to observe your own mental and physiological processes and, on that basis, adjust the rest of your life for the better. If some problem should come up in the future that I need advice on, I’ll definitely make use of darkness therapy again.

Zbyněk