Category: Participants’ experiences

A lovely day to you too, Tom and Lenča,

I’m very happy to write you some feedback on my retreat. 

Things in life come at just the right time

If a dark retreat is meant to come to us, it will make itself known. It had been “calling” me for almost two years. I took inspiration from Jarda Dušek and chose Easter for my retreat.

My week-long retreat, Saturday to Saturday, began on the day of a strong full moon. I was afraid I’d be scared in the dark, that nasty bogeymen would crawl out and I wouldn’t make it. I also couldn’t believe I wouldn’t be bored stiff in there for a whole week. I’m a very active person, and if you shut me in at home for more than a day, I’ll escape through the window 🙂 .

Luckily, none of those fears came true. I walked round the sanctuary, settled in and switched off the light myself. Suddenly I felt enormous relief, calm and joy. Everything came to a stop. Just me, the silence and the merciful darkness. I collapsed into bed and fell asleep within moments. Paradoxically, the darkness brought no fears or demons. It gave me a sense of safety, calm and adventure.

I was afraid I’d lose my mind

For the first few days I was getting used to the new routine, sleeping a lot and enjoying the amazing meals Tomáš brought. When one sense is switched off, the others get stronger, so the food was an unbelievable delight. On the third day stronger headaches started, along with flashes in front of my eyes. I was worried that what I’d feared was really coming and I’d finally lose my mind. Fortunately, Tomáš reassured me that headaches are normal, even desirable. My head finally had the chance to cleanse itself, let go of unnecessary baggage and tidy up. And as we know, tidying up hurts. The flashes happen because the cornea is regenerating. Reassured that I probably wasn’t going to go mad in the dark after all, I stepped forward to meet the days ahead.

What to take to darkness therapy…

Practical things I’d recommend taking into the dark are a notebook, a pencil, a ruler and a meditation mala. Every day I wrote notes. I kept my bearings on the page with a ruler that Tomáš got for me when I asked. I wrote out all my feelings, and those notes are very powerful. I’ve already forgotten many things from the dark, but thanks to these notes I can work with them again. Although I’ll admit I’ve only opened them once since the retreat… I feel great respect for them.

But I know I can go back to them any time. The meditation mala also helped me a lot. For reciting mantras as well as singing songs, thinking about people I know, what each of them has brought me… Every bead means something and helps you anchor yourself in the dark beautifully. It’s also good to practise unselfish, pure and beautiful self-love. You stop at each bead and find 108 reasons in total why you’re amazing. Believe it or not, everyone finds them, because everyone is amazing in their own unique and original way.

It’s better not to have expectations

Sometimes you can’t help it, though. Yes, I had them too. I expected incredible visions to come to me, images of the past and future to merge and tell me their secrets. None of that happened. No visions or voices came to me, but the messages came in the form of dreams, which Tomáš helped me decode. Thanks to these conversations I discovered amazing things. Tom, thank you. You’re the right person in the right place.

After the dark retreat I feel calmer

It’s now been over a month since I made my pilgrimage into the depths of my soul. I can say I feel a change. It’s a small change, not obvious at first glance, but inside it plays a huge role. I feel more inner peace. I’m better at coming back to myself. I like the dark (I used to be a bit afraid of it). Bit by bit I’m tidying up not only inside myself, I’m also rearranging my whole flat. I’m doing things I’d been forcing myself to do for years… I can switch off the computer at work and go and live. I enjoy time on my own. I don’t feel lonely any more – after all, none of us is ever alone. We always have our best friend inside us 🙂 .

I’m grateful for the chance to experience this week. Speaking for myself, I can only recommend it. When the darkness calls me again, I’ll gladly set off to meet it once more.

Wishing you lovely days, extraordinary experiences, love and joy 🙂 .

Lenka

Life brings plenty of situations and moments when you sense clearly and precisely within yourself what is going to follow.

In my case it’s this Saturday evening, when a signal from “within” sent the message that I should write something about my dark retreat (which I’ll supplement a little with the thoughts I wrote down in pencil in a notepad during the retreat, as some people before me here had advised). 

It’s been four months now since I left my week-long dark retreat, and I definitely don’t want to write only about how I’ve changed or how it changed my life.

This life journey is so individual and personal that it is in fact impossible to pass on and hard to describe.

“Each of us has it clearly laid down at the moment of birth which direction our life will take. To think, perhaps, that we can influence everything, … In doing so we commit, against the universe, a completely senseless attempt to change the flow of energies, to manipulate the present and to be entirely cut off from the source of everything.”

As it so often goes, one morning at work my inner voice told me clearly – it’s time, now is the time.

A dark retreat was nothing unknown to me

I’d known about dark retreats for many years, but evidently it was only now that the flow of life brought a clear message across my path.

It was April and I was given a date of 18 November. I’d been used to being in silence and alone for some time, and besides, according to the Native Americans the 52nd year of life is the turning point, so I had no fear of the dark; rather I felt a certain respect, or something like that, and what I was looking forward to most of all was finally not perceiving time and the constant boundaries from somewhere to somewhere, and so on… At that point I had no idea at all how magnificent it would be and what I’d experience within myself through it.

TIME IS NOT NECESSARY – when you flow with it, there is just enough of everything. You only need to perceive yourself, and with that your surroundings. Then there is balance and harmony.

The retreat captivated me completely. I have only one word for it – liberating.

And the retreat itself?

I didn’t have visions or patterns in the space around me like others who’ve experienced dark retreats tend to have. – Tomáš told me it’s apparently individual. Of course, I perceived the visualisations within myself with absolute clarity, including some of the actors…

JUST OBSERVE!
It doesn’t matter who is playing or how. What the roles are. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a drama or a comedy.

YOU ARE THE THEATRE
Just observe!
Stay uninvolved!
Observe and don’t judge

YOU ARE THE THEATRE

FEEL THE GREATNESS OF THE GREAT
Everything is one; as soon as the mind separates from the body – it is not in unity
Everything is everything – great, infinite

(I got an explanation for that the very next day – very personal J )

I perceive everything…

I didn’t hear direct voices either, but for instance the deep groaning of the old tree next to the cabin (I believe it was a tree) – I talked with it perhaps all day, it told me everything, had a bit of a moan and so on. 

But that perception of everything, that I am everything, that everything is me, that I can look at all my thoughts as if in 3D, see everything completely differently, roll out of bed into the space beside me, into a substance that isn’t black at all, swim in it, enjoy the fact that I am – yes, that’s it, that I am!

For describing this state, words simply aren’t enough, and above all there aren’t any.

I received answers even to things I’d had no idea were so deeply rooted and unresolved in the depths of my soul.

Walking a shared path is nonsense.

You can only walk alongside each other; each of us has our own path, and above all our children do. Don’t try to force anyone to walk your path. Only that is freedom, that is giving love, space and freedom. Each individual’s universe floats in the shared universe…

On top of that, I thoroughly enjoyed the whole week to the sound of Tibetan bowls, yin yoga practice and meditation.

Your path, your decision

So if anyone feels “inwardly” empty (even though they have a wife, children, a lover, property and all the rest of the blah, blah), and listens to their inner child, which tells them clearly what it wants, and there’s a mention in there that the dark could be a path, then trust it and go.

It’s your path, your decision, and definitely don’t let others talk you out of it, especially those who haven’t tried it but know for certain that it’s nonsense you’re paying for on top.

What did I say to my colleagues’ questions after returning from the dark?

“If you’re going to think about it or doubt it, if you’ll miss your phone, the internet and other utterly pointless things that pull you away from the present, if you expect it to give you something… then don’t do it. The journey into the dark is the journey of your personal growth… A journey of consciousness, at the end of which a beautiful light awaits you, along with an understanding of the game that is being played around you.”

A last note before leaving the sanctuary

To finish, one of the last notes before leaving the sanctuary. In the dark you do everything consciously. Even putting things down, you do completely consciously and in the present. Everything has its place (I mean objects), even if the door handle sometimes wanders off half a metre this way or that.

There are wonderful scents here – wood, teas… there’s enormous calm and a feeling of abundance and safety. Slow the pace – you release the pressure, which creates more space and time for solutions, or for the state of things to emerge. Keep watching, observing and releasing pressure and tension. You don’t push, you don’t race, you don’t compare – you flow and enjoy it. Don’t interfere in anything with anyone. Let them do things their own way and just observe. You can be part of everything, but at the same time you can leave at any moment. Anywhere, without reason or explanation.

In conclusion…

My great personal thanks go to Tomáš and Lenka, who made sure that I could stop in my life and realise what matters, and above all, ABOVE ALL, free myself from the programmes of the mind and the senseless scripts of my assumptions.

To understand my parents, my children, my dysfunctional relationships and why everything happens and repeats the way it does… and above all why!

Thank you for the superb food, which I admittedly never saw, but the taste was amazing and I still miss it to this day 🙂 . Lenka is a brilliant cook. And Tomáš, to you especially for the very enriching conversations!

Tom, I’ll definitely come back some day to unplug from this “Matrix” around me 😀 and be at home again for a while, within myself.

Jirka

 

Hi Lenka and Tomáš,

even though I’ve been back from my dark retreat for over a month now, I still haven’t got round to writing down at least a few observations, though they’re only marginal ones.

The experience itself is indescribable, and to anyone who’s ever hesitated about whether to do a retreat, I can only recommend it.

What I was afraid of… 

I was most scared on the day I arrived, which was a Saturday. Arrival was between 4 and 5 pm, and I’d been nervous since the morning; a few times I even thought about cancelling at the last minute, and that was before I saw the cabin with no windows 😉 .

Tomáš (who runs the place and hosts you) calmed me down a bit. When I almost burst into tears there and told him that I was scared, he said that was perfectly fine; on the contrary, the ones who are too full of themselves and think a dark retreat is just another trophy for their collection usually pack their bags on the second day. Just to be safe, though, I checked where I could switch on a light and that I could unlock the door myself and leave. I was afraid I might start panicking and desperately need some air, or that I’d be bored stiff, or that it would be impossible to cope in there without moving around, and so on. NONE OF THAT HAPPENED!

What did it give me? 

So, to get to what it actually gave me. Surprisingly, about 2 hours after I switched off the light, the darkness started to calm me down. I thought about things I’d left unresolved or suppressed, I regretted mistakes I’d made, and I felt hugely relieved once I’d had a good cry.

Lovely memories came too, even ones I hadn’t thought about for about 100 years, like when I stuck a bead up my nose at nursery school and couldn’t get it out, that sort of thing… I felt I couldn’t really choose what I’d think about, so I let it flow, just as it came and then went again.

Once a day Tomáš or his wife brought me food, and when I wanted to, I could talk to them about what I was going through. That suited me, and it also meant I knew which day it was and roughly what time. Of course I was looking forward to it ending and to seeing nature again, but at the same time I already knew back then, and I know it now too, that I’ll happily do it again.

Thank you so much for everything, and I look forward to seeing you again some time.
Lucka

Hi Lenka and Tomáš,

first of all I’d like to thank you for the excellent conditions you’ve created for the retreat. Even though a dark retreat is a “spiritual” matter, so the material side shouldn’t really matter, I think that, on the contrary, the conditions of the retreat are key to a good experience.

A dark retreat is actually quite demanding, and in this state the mind is very susceptible to any “problem”, which can lead to unpleasant, endlessly recurring thoughts that can affect the whole retreat negatively.

Into the darkness for the second time

I came to you for my second dark retreat. From the previous one, which took place at a different centre, I’d taken away exactly this kind of unpleasant experience. That’s why the feeling that I could rely on you and that communication with you was excellent was very important to me.
Since this was my second time going into the darkness, the experience was no longer as intense, but at the same time the retreat was much easier.

What did I do in the darkness? 

Throughout the retreat I meditated, exercised and practised breathing and energy exercises, so I didn’t have much time to get bored, and I tuned myself in beautifully. I don’t think there’s any other place where you can go so deep into yourself, stop, and see your current situation clearly and plainly.

I found answers 

They say that in the darkness everyone finds the answers to important questions, and for me that’s entirely true. What surprised me on both retreats, though, was that even the questions themselves, the ones I needed to find answers to, were ones I hadn’t known before going into the darkness. Only when everything calms down does what’s essential reveal itself, and suddenly it’s so clear and simple.

Everyone should experience it…

I think everyone should treat themselves to this experience again and again. I can imagine that if every single person really went through this experience voluntarily, our planet would look quite different…

Take care, I wish you all the best in what you do, and I hope we’ll meet again at your place in a few years 🙂

Martin

 

I’ve just done my first dark retreat (7 nights). It was really interesting to be out of contact with the world and to sort out for myself that everything is definitely fine. I thought it would be boring, that I’d sleep a lot, exercise and meditate, but the opposite was true.

The first evening I did spend a while coming to terms with the reality of it, but on the second day I meditated (just calmed my mind) and got into a pleasant state that lasted, more or less, right to the end, so I didn’t feel much need to meditate.

I slept about 8 hours a day. Once a day I treated my body to some stretching, because otherwise my stay was physically very passive. I just lay there and reflected. Even when I was reflecting on things that would normally make me feel worse, here, calm and in a pleasant frame of mind, I could explore them through and through and fine-tune them.

Otherwise I was sorting out my priorities and understanding more deeply what I’ve learned in 6 years of inner growth. Even though I often have those “aha” moments, here, in peace and with no distractions for a long time, the insights came more often. I made about 50 short notes. I read half of them straight away on Saturday morning after the lights came on (interesting handwriting 🙂 ) and I still haven’t read the rest. I was also waiting to see how it would carry over into my life afterwards, and I expected more specific shifts, but I was very surprised at how noticeably simpler, lighter and clearer life as a whole seemed to me after that. Even though I still get carried away by circumstances now and then, the inner calm is definitely greater.

After only about a week I could imagine that I’d go into the dark again, and gladly. So for me the dark retreat was an “enlightenment”. I mean as a process, because I don’t see enlightenment as a final state, since luckily there is always somewhere further to go.

Jarda

Hi Lenka and Tomáš,

There are lots of thoughts that went through my head after the dark retreat and are still going through it, but that’s probably normal, and I don’t think it’s anything new or interesting.

Of course, like almost everyone probably, before going into the dark I read through other people’s experiences. Not so much because I wanted to find out what to expect, or even what I should or would want to experience, but because I was partly afraid of what would happen and whether I’d run away. I’d compare my feelings just before the light went out to how I felt when I was doing parachute training. Huge excitement and a fair bit of fear too.

Is it really going to be like this for seven days? 

The feeling after the light went out didn’t disappoint me. The mix of fear and the sense of futility that “it’s really going to be like this for seven days now” was almost unbearable. All my resolutions about how I’d exercise, stretch, or simply meditate calmly were completely unimaginable. I dealt with the situation by simply crawling into bed and falling asleep.

I started getting used to the dark

The next day was a bit better, and my head made sure I wasn’t bored. It’s hard to put into words, but I was able to exercise and I was starting to get used to the dark.

The physical crisis came on the third day. A persistent, almost migraine-like headache set in, along with other signs of cleansing such as vomiting and diarrhoea. But within a day it had all passed, and on the morning of the fourth day I threw myself at the fruit like a starving fruit bat.

Calm arrived… 

Days 5 and 6 were the reward for the previous four days. The feeling of inner calm that came (I don’t know how to describe it, nothing fitting comes to mind) was something indescribable. To a large extent that was probably also down to the fact that the end was approaching and I was, after all, looking forward to coming out.

Either way, I see this state as a goal I’d like to learn to reach in calming meditation exercises.

I came out into the light 

Coming out was far more powerful than I expected, and despite the hard frost I certainly didn’t regret the walk up the hill to watch the sunrise.
I’d like to thank Lenka and Tomáš for their kindness and the lovely surroundings.

The whole retreat was very powerful, and if circumstances allow, I’d love to do it again in a year or two.

All the best,

Jirka

 

Hi Tomáš and Lenka,

sorry for replying a bit late, life in the light has swallowed me up a little 🙂

Thank you once again for everything, I look back on the whole week in the dark as an exceptionally powerful and beneficial experience.

I went into the dark with respect and as few expectations as possible.
Darkness affects everyone differently, and what I feared most was the very first moment after switching off the light.
I also couldn’t imagine how I would spend a whole week alone with myself, with nothing much to do.

I had four months to prepare. I used them to learn by heart a few sequences of yoga, qigong and the Five Tibetans, some breathing and meditation exercises and a few mantras.
I also read a few books, and the one that gave me the most was probably Tolle’s The Power of Now.

During those 4 months, while practising the different elements and waking up into the present, I sometimes felt that I didn’t even need the darkness any more, because that alone was helping me so much. But I knew these were only passing states and that I really ought to go.

So on 29 April, as agreed, I began my 7 nights in the dark.
When I switched off the light, the darkness overwhelmed me. It was so intense that I shut my eyes against it. I saw flickering specks everywhere and couldn’t find my bearings in the space.
It was that initial shock I had been so afraid of, and that’s probably exactly why it came.
But after a while I sat down on the bed and calmed down. I realised I was there of my own free will, that I actually wanted to be there, and that the darkness doesn’t bite.
Little by little I made friends with the darkness. I asked it to give me whatever it had to give, to reveal a little piece of my inner self. And the darkness was kind and gentle. It took me into its arms.

They say you sleep through the first two days.

I probably didn’t have much of a sleep deficit, because on the very first day I could hardly wait for Tomáš to come with the food.
I managed to keep to some kind of routine on all the days. When you go into the dark in spring, you have the advantage that the sounds of birds singing in the day and cicadas chirping to mark the night reach you in the cabin. I tried to go to sleep only once I heard the cicadas. In the middle of the day Tomáš or Lenka would come, so in the end the days went by quite nicely.
During the day I practised all the things I’d learnt beforehand and was glad to have something to fill the time. I could stretch out every exercise and relaxation element for ages, because I had loads of time.

In the dark I had lots of time…

So I learnt to slow down a little and savour every movement of my body. Everything took a bit longer in the dark, and the whole time I couldn’t see my body at all. Even though I don’t spend much time in front of the mirror in the light either, it was interesting to notice how it keeps working regardless of the fact that it’s dark everywhere. How the heart goes on beating inside it, the stomach goes on digesting, and so on. I couldn’t see whether I was dirty or dishevelled (rozcuchaná, as the Czechs say 🙂 and it didn’t matter in the slightest. I think since then I’ve had a slightly different relationship with my own body and I listen to it more.

My thoughts, on the other hand, didn’t quieten down at all the whole time. I understood that they probably really don’t belong to us, if they’re there even without any outside stimulus. In the dark everything was much more vivid, every memory, every human face appeared to me with its exact features. I could transport myself wherever I wanted, and at times I stopped noticing the darkness altogether. That’s how it was for the first three days.

On the fourth day my thoughts turned into images

It was no longer just something that crossed my mind. Now they were images appearing in front of my eyes in the dark, one after another without stopping, a bit like a dream with no beginning and no end, except that I wasn’t asleep.

They were all sorts of things I’m afraid of, from snakes to firearms, and I didn’t know the figures in those visions, but I saw them there very vividly, as if I had seen them once before and just didn’t consciously remember. Luckily I wasn’t very scared of those visions, because I saw that if I ignored them, others would take their place. So I just started to watch them, and they kept changing in front of me like film trailers. That’s when I felt that beneath those thoughts my true self is hiding. And because I couldn’t see my body at all, I was also able to believe that we are beings who reach far beyond our physical shells.
This is something I longed to experience, and I’m grateful for it.

I started seeing walls

On the fourth day I also started seeing walls. My brain probably needed to mark out the space around it, so it invented red brick walls, even though the cabin is wooden and brown.

Otherwise I didn’t notice any special effects, except once I saw a yellow tuft of light flying along the ceiling, and a few times I saw a line of light flash on the wall opposite the toilet.
It felt as if, in that deep darkness, I could see the electrical discharges in the wiring, which is probably built into the wall there, because a bit higher up there was a socket. I forgot to ask Tomáš about it afterwards 🙂
All week I had flickering specks in front of my eyes, sometimes fewer, sometimes more, or the darkness would brighten a little and then darken again. I rarely saw pitch-black darkness.

I also managed to find my way around in the dark without any trouble. I kept my things along one wall, so I could find them easily. Only walking across the room was a problem. It was better to walk parallel to the walls.

What did I take into the dark?

I brought a few stones into the dark, a Tibetan singing bowl, which I played now and then to accompany my mantras, and paper and crayons for writing and drawing. Every evening I wrote a diary, which is actually legible 🙂 and on the last day I tried to intuitively draw my own aura.

The food was great

Thank you, Lenka, for the wonderful food. Even before the dark, during a few one-day fasts, I had found that fasting doesn’t do me any good. According to Ayurveda I’m partly of an airy nature and I need a constant supply of calories, otherwise I get stomach cramps. So I decided to do the dark with vegetarian meals, without being told in advance what food was coming.
I realised that in the light I eat with expectations. I know in advance how each food tastes, and before I even put it in my mouth I sort of know what to expect, so in the end I don’t fully focus on the taste itself.
Here it was the other way round, and it was interesting to notice how melted chocolate or tomato soup tastes, for example. I had also never realised that steamed cauliflower (květák in Czech) and broccoli have a similar texture and taste similar.

 

Tomáš recommended…

Tomáš recommended that the best thing is to sit in the dark and do nothing and watch your thoughts. For me that worked best right after exercising, when my body was a bit tired. That’s when “meditating” came most easily.

At night, especially at the beginning, I sometimes had nightmares. In the dark I remembered every dream, because nothing distracted me after waking up. On Tomáš’s advice I simply breathed my way through a bad dream. That way the emotions from it dissolved.

I sorted out my thoughts

Overall, the darkness helped me sort out my thoughts and, through being present alone with myself, let all my past positive and negative experiences settle in my subconscious and stop picking them apart again and again.

I had also brought an MP3 player with recorded meditations into the cabin. I played them in the evenings for about the last three days, and Sri Mooji, who guides you into presence, worked especially well for me in the dark.

The last day

On the last day – on Saturday morning at four – the alarm clock rang and it gave me such a shock that I fell out of bed switching it off, and that night’s dream is the only one I don’t remember 🙂

I did the Five Tibetans one more time and went outside into the dark. To me, though, it already seemed like light. My first steps were like after a hangover. Short, unsteady, and I had a headache, especially behind my eyeballs, because I hadn’t had to move my eyes all week. That’s probably why blind people stare fixedly ahead, because their eye muscles have weakened. It took me over an hour to shake off a slight feeling of dizziness.
The birds were singing their hearts out, almost too loudly, it seemed to me. I went out beyond the village to watch the sunrise, but there was none to be seen because of the fog.
Even so, the morning atmosphere was magical and I was euphoric that I had made it.

The journey home

On the train back it dawned on me how beautiful it is to be able to see all the beauty of the world at all, and how everything we do is worth it. Life is the most important thing we have to express on this earth, in whatever way we wish.

I recommend a dark retreat to anyone who is thinking about it.

During the whole stay nothing “earth-shattering” happened to me, no serious trauma, no urge to run out of the cabin, and I wasn’t “enlightened” either 🙂
But it gave me lots of smaller realisations, it allowed me to close some things from the past, calm down, clear my head and learn something more about myself and my subconscious.

Thank you, Tomáš and Lenka, for giving people this way to dive into themselves and meet themselves.

I wish you a beautiful life!
Bára

At first I was scared, I felt anxious, but by the very next day it had passed…

I did a lot of thinking

I realised one thing in there: that I like a certain guy and that I want to be with him. I’d never really fancied him before. He was my car mechanic, he’d asked me out lots of times but I always said no. Yet in the dark I kept thinking about him.

I went back over my whole life in there, all my relationships, all the men in my life, and he crept into my head…

As if it was meant to be…

Even though I didn’t want it and tried to push it away, I couldn’t… As if it was meant to be… I couldn’t let it go, so in the end I messaged him and we went out together.

It was a Sunday. The day after I came out of the dark. My mind was still open and I was taking everything differently than before. My horoscope that day said I shouldn’t sit at home, because I might miss a fateful meeting and love could slip through my fingers. I’m a Sagittarius and, as it happens, so is he.

So we went out, and in the end we ended up lying on the grass on the housing estate between the blocks of flats, watching the stars for about 2 hours… It was as if time had stopped… It was beautiful…

And we’ve been together ever since…

It was as if lightning had struck us. It happened unplanned and unexpectedly… For the first time in ages I fell in love. And it’s mutual, but it was different from any time before.  As if it was fate. I couldn’t understand it… As if the darkness was behind it. Behind me realising it in there.

 

I think if I hadn’t gone into the dark, it would never have happened. I’d never have dreamt I’d end up with him of all people. That was probably the best thing the darkness gave me.

I forgave my mum

Another thing was that I forgave my mother for my messed-up childhood, and our relationship has got so much better. I can talk to her normally now and I don’t blow up every time she comes out with something stupid.  I’ve accepted her as she is… Before the dark I blew up every single time, but when I came out it was as if a huge weight had been lifted off my heart and I felt relieved.

My life has really got better

I found love and made peace with my mum. That’s what the darkness gave me and I’m so grateful for it.

The talks with Lenča helped me a lot too. She chatted with me and it meant a great deal to me.

Thank you! Keep doing it, you’re good at it 🙂

Wishing you all the best

Iva

Hello Tomáš,

I enjoyed my dark retreat for several reasons. In terms of comfort, the cabin provides an ideal environment. There’s nothing superfluous, everything is new and clean, and despite its simplicity it gives you a sense of comfort and safety.

The support from Tom and Lenka is excellent – plenty of hotels could learn from their level of customer service. 🙂

The darkness therapy itself lived up to my expectations. You really do calm down, tune in to yourself and gain new perspectives. You do have to want it, though, because the real shift only happens right towards the end (day 4 onwards). That is, of course, also when you’ve got used to life in the dark and your brain runs out of the impressions it had been supplying you with on its own until then. For me personally, that was the moment when what I’d come for began.

Even though I doubted several times during the retreat whether I’d manage it, I’ll remember that feeling when you step outside for a long time. If I ever need a mental detox in the future, I’ll definitely be back.

Will that do? 😉

Thanks once again,

Ondra

 

Hi Lenka and Tomáš,

I’m sending a few lines about my experience of the dark retreat and about how I’m doing and feeling a few weeks after the darkness.

It took me about six months to make up my mind. I started choosing a place at the end of August, and even though other dark retreats had availability sooner, I chose Lomec near Úmonín. I was full of expectations and ideas.

How did I get there?

I decided to go by train and walk the rest of the way. At the stop in Bykáň I met a fellow participant who was heading to the cabin next door.
We chatted a bit, but I was so full of anticipation and a little nervous that I didn’t really feel like talking.

We arrived at the garden, where a barking dog welcomed us, and a moment later out came our guide in the dark, Tomáš.

He explained everything I needed to know, above all how to go about things so I wouldn’t be dazzled when he came in bringing my food.
He told me he wouldn’t push me to talk, but that a worry shared is a worry halved, and we agreed on that.

The cabin had two doors, and the outer one had a lock on both sides. Whenever he left, he locked me in, and I could unlock it and leave at any time. I unpacked, sorted my clothes into piles, walked round the cabin, sort of tuned myself in inwardly to the lights going out, and after about twenty minutes I switched them off.

The darkness was one hundred per cent

A kind of darkness I’d never really known. After about two hours of lying on the bed, a third of me wanted to go home, and even though I had the temperature set to 24 degrees, I was cold in my joggers and hoodie and under the duvet.
Probably my nerves at work, or low blood pressure 🙂 . Either way I thought: my family is at home in the warm in front of the telly and I’m here alone and cold, and I felt a bit sad. But at the same time, somewhere deep down, I felt that I wanted to be there and that it made sense for me.

My sense of time changed

The first stretch, from Saturday to Sunday, felt quite long; I was getting used to a different sense of time passing.
When he came for the first time, we exchanged a few sentences. I told him I was pretty cold and how I was feeling, and he was happy to turn the temperature up. He brought me vegetarian food that was very good, a salad, a dessert, tea, and topped up the fruit.
I was never hungry.

Even after the temperature went up I still wasn’t comfortable, so Tomáš switched the heating on. I was prepared for this phase to be longer than the first one and I slept a lot, so in the end the day went by quickly.

I felt strange…

From Monday to Tuesday, lying on the bed, I felt strange inside.
Then I went to meditate on the sleeping mat, but those feelings kept coming back. I tried to focus on my breath, which helped a little.

When Tomáš came, I described the painful things I’d been going through inside. He advised me not to resist the feelings and not to steer my attention elsewhere, but on the contrary to call those feelings up, to welcome them when they come, to be open to them.

I ate on the floor behind the door in the room, leant against the wall and took in Tomáš’s advice about complete acceptance.
I accepted within myself that the inner pain I didn’t want was something I should actually call up and accept.
I felt torn apart, naked. They’re feelings that are really impossible to describe.
From then on I tried to accept them and even to bring them on.

Tomáš and I talked

From Tuesday to Wednesday anxieties and fears came, but not as strongly as I’d expected.
On Wednesday we talked a lot and I was glad I could say everything, and even on days when Tomáš didn’t have much time, I tried to tell him everything quickly. I was really glad of that.

I got a sense of distance

From Wednesday to Thursday I walked around the room a bit. Judging distance had long stopped being a problem, but a few times I misjudged the angle I was heading in 🙂 .

Stay, or go home? 

On Thursday and Friday my feelings were mixed: sometimes I felt like staying even longer, but at other times I was already looking forward to going home. On those two days I managed better to be in the present.
On Friday the thought came to me that none of it really matters, not in the sense of hopelessness or not wanting to live, but that something is always happening anyway, that things are simply the way they are.
On Friday evening Tomáš and I talked again, and once more I told him what was on my mind.

On the way home I enjoyed the peace…

On Saturday morning my alarm woke me just under an hour before dawn.
First I got ready to leave the cabin, had a shower, packed, slowly let my eyes adjust and set off.
I felt a slight dizziness, but otherwise I was fine.
The walk to the train was beautiful. I was really taking everything in and enjoying it, the peace, the air, the countryside; I watched a tractor at work with fascination 🙂 .

How do I feel since coming back?

When I got back I told my family everything. I was full of impressions, so it all just poured out of me.

About five weeks after coming back I can say that I’m a bit more aware of the present moment. I have a slightly stronger feeling that it’s already good right now, that every moment is actually the goal. I try to accept more of the things, feelings and thoughts that are pleasant for me, but also the unpleasant ones, and not to suppress anything. I’d say the darkness has helped me relax, and when I do something like lounge about for a whole afternoon, I don’t feel guilty about it the next day.

I’m grateful for the darkness. It was honest, uncompromising, it was a powerful experience.

Thank you once again for the talks and for looking after me, Tomáš!

Honza