Good evening, Leni and Tomáš.
The dark retreat was a turning point for me. It was as if I had gone through a total transformation. I didn’t notice it straight away, only now, a few weeks later…
Before I even arrived
I booked my darkness therapy at the end of May… I had no idea what would happen before I actually arrived…
One by one, thoughts came along to put me off… it’s too much money for you, you’ll have hardly any holiday left, your son who lives in Scotland is coming home on holiday at exactly that time… and others… until it all came to a head with my older son’s mental illness…
I was in a panic about him and thought about cancelling my dark retreat. I only made up my mind on the very last day. I wouldn’t have been able to help my son in that state anyway. Tomáš’s words gave me support: “First you need to be all right yourself, and then you can help your son”.
How did my first days go?
On the first day I was in no hurry to turn off the light. I got to know the space and laid out my things so I could find them easily later. I didn’t switch the light off until around nine in the evening. I was very tired from the stressful days before and fell asleep straight away.
I probably woke up early in the morning, at the time I’m used to getting up for work (I get up at around five). I know how the body clock works, and for the first few days I roughly went by it. So when I woke up for the first time, I decided it was still early and went back to sleep. After that I only estimated the time roughly.
Not knowing what time it was didn’t bother me at all.
On the first day I was bored. I exercised, I sang to myself (I realised how few songs I know…), I waited for food. And I waited, curious about what would come next, what would happen… nothing happened… when I asked to become aware of anything at all, the answer I got was: “When you get beyond the mind, the answer will come”. So I let my thoughts flow and let them go.
The second night
On the 2nd night, from Sunday to Monday, a physical cleansing began, although I didn’t realise it yet. An unpleasant backache kept waking me up. I thought it was because of the first day of inactivity, so on Monday morning I did a lot of exercise and loosened the sore spots with stretches. The pain disappeared during the day. But the very next day, towards morning, I was woken by a sharp pain in my stomach. I work with Reiki, so with the help of this energy I dissolved the pain again. Gradually a stubborn headache developed, and around lunchtime I felt feverish. I snuggled up in my sleeping bag and fell asleep. When I woke up, I didn’t feel anything any more. On Wednesday morning (that is, after I woke up) the cleansing ended with mild diarrhoea. From then on I felt fine.
Answers to my questions
I started meditating more. Answers to my questions came, sometimes straight away, sometimes in the form of a dream. Visions came about some areas of my life, as well as guidance on how to move forward in situations I had been unable to decide on. When anxiety came up along with thoughts of my sick son, breathing helped me… I breathed through the words
LIGHT – LOVE, breathing them through the individual chakras, or I used the ancient triple sound AUM…
What did I take away from the darkness?
During the retreat I strongly felt Love, Humility and Gratitude for everything that is… I filled my soul with calm and peace and practised patience… all of these had been my weak points until then…
I understood what it means to be truly present. I brought what I had learnt and become aware of into everyday life. I let go of worrying about what hasn’t happened yet, and I deal with a situation only when it actually comes.
Thanks to the strength, calm and balance I drew on and learnt to find during the dark retreat, I was able to cope with very difficult situations that followed almost immediately after I got home… from just about every area of life… as if an avalanche had buried me… so very hard….
About the practical side I’ll just add: the food was good. Instead of tea I asked Lenka for hot water. I had my own tea and coffee substitute, a mug and a spoon, and made my own tea or Caro.
I felt good in the Dark. I felt calm and safe.
Leni and Tom, thank you so much for the chance to go through this experience…
With Love
Dana
