I saw a white cat

Imagine that strange moment when, after several days in complete silence without a single ray of light, you open the door for the first time and step outside. That is exactly the experience we are sharing with you now, through the words of a young man who completed his first dark retreat with us. His account gives you a sense of what it is like when all your senses suddenly sharpen and you begin to perceive the world around you with incredible intensity and freshness, as if you were seeing it for the very first time in your life.

A world that looks brand new

After the dark I feel great, even though I’m still sort of getting my bearings. I feel like a new person, as if I had been born again. When I stepped outside, everything seemed incredibly vivid to me. I saw a white cat here, and right after waking up it seemed really, really white to me. Even the birds suddenly seem so plump to me. One of them sat down on the doorstep right next to me, barely a metre away. It looked me over for a while and only then flew off. Normally I notice things other people don’t notice, but now it’s simply different. I really liked the dawn, although after a while the light got too much for me, even though it was only half past six in the morning. I lasted outside for about forty minutes before hunger drove me back in.

Tastes I never knew before

I really enjoyed the food. The first thing I had was couscous with vegetables, and the tomato really hit the spot. But the biggest shock for me was the olives. Normally I don’t eat them at all, and even when I do try them now and then, I just don’t like them. But here in the dark I ate every single one and enjoyed them. They didn’t have such a strong taste as when I eat them normally, which was strange. In the dark I could recognise the taste, but it didn’t bother me at all and it suited me. I also really loved the milk; that made me happy. For breakfast I then had some fruit and a dessert as well.

Time, and why I want to come back

Originally I wanted to go for seven days, but in the end I chose the three-day dark retreat. I have to admit that in the end those three days were short for me. I didn’t have enough time to get a proper feel for how time actually passes in the dark. I definitely want to come back for the seven days. I’m twenty-six and I kept wondering whether I would come back in a year or maybe in two or three years. But perhaps in the end it will be just a year. I had been quite worried about what I would do when I woke up in the morning, but in the dark you have no idea when morning actually is.

A diary and analysing life in silence

I wasn’t bored at all; I always had something to do. I hardly exercised at all, I just stretched for about a minute the whole time. My shoulders ached quite a bit in the morning because of that, from sleeping on my side all the time, which I only noticed today. I spent a lot of time writing. I filled about ten pages of a small A5 notebook. When I read it back in the morning after waking up, I found it was all perfectly legible. Darkness therapy allowed me to analyse my life in a completely different way. In everyday life you look at things in a certain way, but in the dark you see them completely differently.

Love, and unexpected anger

I felt a lot of love in that darkness. I recalled the love I had received throughout my whole life, right up until I found myself here. But things that annoy me came up too. I was surprised that at times I was even angry, or cross about something I had messed up in my life. I hadn’t expected that at all beforehand. Now I need to let it all settle in my head. I will think more about what specifically from all this I will apply to my life. But it was definitely a powerful experience that gave me a lot to think about.