The word “holiday” suddenly lost its meaning. I realised that even where I rest physically, I don’t rest in my head. We’re always going through something, living through stuff, taking in experiences, so it keeps working away in there too. After three days on a dark retreat, I got rest on a whole different level. I don’t think I’ve ever been so rested and well slept in my life. I feel good, I feel light and just totally great. The rest and that kind of inner peace here is, like, completely different.
Five years ago I found out about darkness therapy, I think it was from some film. I said to myself back then: “Yeah, I want to try that.” It took me five years to actually get round to going. The decision just kept ripening inside me. This year, when I lay down in bed one day, I told myself: “Now’s the time.” I opened my laptop and the first thing that popped up was your Darkness. I called straight away, I didn’t want to overthink it. A friendly welcome, and we sorted it out right there. Originally I was thinking about a week, but I couldn’t fit it in time-wise. Three days were enough to get a taste. I know I’ll definitely be back.
A dark retreat brings a completely new way of perceiving. On the first day, for example, I totally forgot to drink. I had a bottle of water next to the bed, but I really drank very little. When I woke up after my first sleep, my eyes felt dry and itchy and I was tired. I thought, but I should be well rested. I found out I’d drunk just three decilitres the whole day. I suppose when you don’t have the drink in front of your eyes, you easily forget about everything.
As for the food, I managed brilliantly. I literally went by smell. It tasted excellent. I’m a chef and I’ve been doing it my whole life. So I could pick out the flavours beautifully and I identified everything you made for me. It was very tasty and I actually enjoyed absolutely all the food there. One of those wow moments was the kohlrabi, for example. I loved that I knew what it was and that it was really, really good.
What surprised me most was finding out in the dark that I’m not afraid at all. Of anything. I felt completely at home there. After just two hours I felt so comfortable that I even wondered whether I have any fears in me at all, or anything I’d be afraid of.
Before I went in, I was a bit worried that something would come up or that I’d feel some kind of fear. But I found out I’m not afraid of anything. I believe that if someone has something unresolved, or isn’t completely honest with themselves, they might run into it there and go through a bit of a gloomy patch. I didn’t have that. It was a big realisation that I was totally fine with the dark.
My usual way of looking for peace is cold-water swimming and meditation. But this dark retreat gives you a completely different dimension of inner peace. Everyone can leave or switch on the light at any time, so there’s no reason to be afraid. Darkness therapy is great for anyone who wants to sort some things out inside and find inner peace. If your head is full of thoughts and you can’t sleep because of it, it can clear your head perfectly.
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