Why did I come here into the darkness, was there some reason for it?

Yes, there was a perfectly clear reason.

But I don’t know that reason, and I’ve been looking for it here for 3 days now.

Those two things don’t rule each other out. Just because you don’t know the reason doesn’t mean the reason doesn’t exist.

Well, but what use is the reason to me if I don’t know it?

The reason is there so that you can look for it.

I’m looking for the reason and not finding it, I’ve tried everything, from breathing to frantic press-ups to yoga!

That’s exactly where the magic is: you’re looking for the reason and not finding it.

So how am I supposed to find it?

You can’t find it. It isn’t possible to find the reason why you’re here in the darkness.

Now I don’t get it. You’re saying there’s a reason why I’m in the darkness and at the same time that I can’t find it. That confuses me!

Yes, and you’re looking for it anyway, because you know it exists.

How do I know the reason exists?

If there were no reason behind your decision to go into the darkness, you’d probably be somewhere on a beach by the sea right now, wouldn’t you?

Hmmm, I suppose so. So how do I find it?

You won’t. Of course, you can only guess why you decided to go into the darkness.

Well, if I know all those motives, then looking back I’ll actually work out why I decided to go into the darkness.

That’s where the magic is, because you’ll never know all the motives; life is too short for that.

Why wouldn’t I get to know them all?

Because the mind is used to this: when it comes across something that could be the reason for a decision, it throws out all the others.

So it robs me of the remaining motives?

Not really, you just don’t pay attention to them and you focus on that one.

Can you explain that more? I don’t understand this choosing between options.

It’s like playing the piano: you can play the note C on one key and D on the key right next to it, but between C and D there are a million other notes that you can’t play because you have no keys for them; your mind pushes them out.

So you’re telling me that my reasons for going into the darkness are so wide that I have no chance of exploring and understanding them all?

In the few years you’ve been given, you really can’t get through it all.

Then there’s no point looking for why I went into the darkness!

Something like that. And instead of searching, you’d do better to enjoy your dark retreat.