Hi Tomáš and Léňa,
I’m sending a few lines as feedback for you, for what you do, and also for those who are still deciding or looking for reasons to go into the dark.
What was my dark retreat like?
It’s almost a month since I left the sanctuary. The beautiful euphoria of coming back has sadly faded, but not everything from the darkness therapy has gone. On the contrary, a lot of things are new. Or at least they seem new to me since the dark retreat.
Lots of people ask me what it was like. My answer has settled into this: “Turning the light on was just as hard as turning it off.”
Just as many people can’t put into words why they wanted to go into the dark, I didn’t know exactly what it was that drew me there either. Now I know. It was an incredible stillness in every form – the kind that someone not initiated into the dark can’t imagine. That was the main reason I sought out the dark. I needed to switch off, rest, stop everything around me. My body and mind no longer knew how to tell me that something was going on inside me. From insomnia and stomach trouble, constant restlessness in all my limbs, forgetfulness and overreacting to people around me and my family, to small and needless injuries….. and my body was screaming…. something’s happening to you, do something about it! Fine, but what? Holidays, friends, hobbies, family – all of it helped only for a while and somehow superficially, without any zest, without real experience or joy in anything. Deciding to go on a dark retreat was very easy. It was my last attempt to find a way out.
My worries about the dark were sort of split in two. How will I cope with that week in the dark – but above all, what if it doesn’t help me? What then?
What next after the dark retreat?
I gave myself a few weeks’ distance to sort it out in my head a bit.
And today I know that my dark retreat came at the eleventh hour and was the best thing I could have done.
How am I doing since the dark retreat?
It’s strange, but either nothing bad has happened since I got back, or everything around me carries on just as before and I simply see it differently – calmly, without emotion, positively, with a clear head, making decisions calmly, without stress.
I went into the dark to rest. I achieved that 100%. But what I see as the ultimate bonus is having you there, the guides through the dark.
I rested on my own, but I thank you for showing me the way forward.
What moved me to tears over myself was realising how simple that path can be and how pointlessly I’d been floundering.
Every morning I stop, close my eyes, breathe deeply and remember that “indescribably calm, pure being in the dark” – and it helps.
So thank you.
Luboš
