Category: Participants’ experiences

Hi Tomáš and Léňa,

I’m sending a few lines as feedback for you, for what you do, and also for those who are still deciding or looking for reasons to go into the dark.

What was my dark retreat like?

It’s almost a month since I left the sanctuary. The beautiful euphoria of coming back has sadly faded, but not everything from the darkness therapy has gone. On the contrary, a lot of things are new. Or at least they seem new to me since the dark retreat.

Lots of people ask me what it was like. My answer has settled into this: “Turning the light on was just as hard as turning it off.”

Just as many people can’t put into words why they wanted to go into the dark, I didn’t know exactly what it was that drew me there either. Now I know. It was an incredible stillness in every form – the kind that someone not initiated into the dark can’t imagine. That was the main reason I sought out the dark. I needed to switch off, rest, stop everything around me. My body and mind no longer knew how to tell me that something was going on inside me. From insomnia and stomach trouble, constant restlessness in all my limbs, forgetfulness and overreacting to people around me and my family, to small and needless injuries….. and my body was screaming…. something’s happening to you, do something about it! Fine, but what? Holidays, friends, hobbies, family – all of it helped only for a while and somehow superficially, without any zest, without real experience or joy in anything. Deciding to go on a dark retreat was very easy. It was my last attempt to find a way out.

My worries about the dark were sort of split in two. How will I cope with that week in the dark – but above all, what if it doesn’t help me? What then?

What next after the dark retreat?

I gave myself a few weeks’ distance to sort it out in my head a bit.

And today I know that my dark retreat came at the eleventh hour and was the best thing I could have done.

How am I doing since the dark retreat?

It’s strange, but either nothing bad has happened since I got back, or everything around me carries on just as before and I simply see it differently – calmly, without emotion, positively, with a clear head, making decisions calmly, without stress.

I went into the dark to rest. I achieved that 100%. But what I see as the ultimate bonus is having you there, the guides through the dark.

I rested on my own, but I thank you for showing me the way forward.

What moved me to tears over myself was realising how simple that path can be and how pointlessly I’d been floundering.

Every morning I stop, close my eyes, breathe deeply and remember that “indescribably calm, pure being in the dark” – and it helps.

So thank you.

Luboš

I get off the train at the station in Kutná Hora, and as my means of transport to Lomec, my destination, I choose my own two feet. I’d like one more walk and a look at the countryside, I tell myself, seeing as I won’t see a thing for a week. The wind is driving snowflakes straight into my face, but that only makes the journey more interesting.

My first real awareness of the seriousness of my situation actually came the evening before I left – that’s when it first dawns on me that a week of darkness therapy, a week of deep, dark solitude, might not be a walk in the park.

And the dark retreat began

The second comes a few minutes after I switch off the light. I’m lying in bed, frozen through from the journey, my feet by the radiator and one thought in my head: “Well, this is going to be a real slog.” The silence and the deep, dark darkness wrapped themselves around me, and I felt like a simple little consciousness in an infinitely vast cave where there is nothing but this consciousness of mine.

If there is such a thing as purgatory, it must look like this.

Gradually, though, I realise I have two great gifts at my disposal that will make my lot easier – my body and my voice. And so I start to sing and to rejoice in every breath.

The first days are all about sleep, singing and playing the flute, which I’d also brought with me (and that turned out to be a very far-sighted move), about enjoying what little movement I have the appetite and energy for, the excellent food that is a surprise every day, and the brief company of Tomáš or Lenča, whose presence is a spark in the darkness and solitude.

Only halfway through the retreat do I accept the darkness, get used to it and stop seeing it as an obstacle and an enemy, but rather as a friend who reveals things to me that in ordinary life we’re not in the habit of paying attention to.

I let the darkness therapy run its course

On Tomáš’s advice I don’t try to bring anything on, and I let everything run its own course. Time passes and I begin to realise that there probably won’t be any revelation or enlightenment. The realisations that do come are smaller, but always pleasing.

I should add here that my motivation for the retreat isn’t to resolve some difficult life situation, as it is for many others. Although I have to admit that I, too, came up with the idea of a dark retreat because of some of life’s dilemmas. To a large extent, though, they resolved themselves even before I went into the dark.

So now I enter the dark with a fairly simple question on my lips: “Is it possible to be alone with yourself, just with your mind/your consciousness, without any everyday distractions, for a whole week?” Surely, I tell myself, that ought to be the most basic human nature – being able to be alone with yourself. How is a person supposed to be able to function within society and the whole world if they can’t function within themselves, I ask.

Well, it can be done. And it isn’t as difficult as it might seem – at least it didn’t seem so to me. My conscience in this matter isn’t entirely clear, however, since I did distract myself after all. At least I’d call it distraction – whether it was singing or long stretches spent completely absorbed in imaginings and memories. On the other hand, I believe all of this is a natural part of being human too, and perhaps I could be called far too strict with myself if I combined a possible future dark retreat with silence, though that idea does appeal to me at the moment.

Energy for life after darkness therapy

In any case, I come out of the dark one beautiful Saturday morning full of energy, optimism and zest for life. The conversations with Tomáš and Lenča certainly played their part too; they were wonderful advisers, confidants and guides to me, for which they have my sincere thanks.

And even though towards the end of the retreat I’d become convinced that, from a certain point on, it had nothing more to give me, I’m glad I stayed until the end. My reward was a feeling that only came to me on the penultimate evening – the feeling that the inside of the cabin was lit by the faintest light you can imagine. Something like moonlight pushing out from behind the clouds, hinting at the shapes around you. A truly magical feeling.

With hindsight I’ve reconsidered my view (namely that the darkness had already given me everything it could), and when the time is ripe and I again feel that urge to be alone with myself for a few days, or even weeks, I won’t hesitate to do it again, perhaps for even longer.

Am I a year wiser after the dark retreat?

Finally, to put the icing on the cake, I’ll confess that I celebrated my birthday in the dark – my twenty-second (though it was actually Tomáš who immediately realised how nice it would be to write that I went in at twenty-one and came out at twenty-two).

So I came out of the cabin a year older, and I believe a little more self-aware too…

Thank you for everything; I can only recommend a dark retreat to everyone.

Honza

I decided on a dark retreat because I wasn’t sure which direction to take my life in.

And I don’t regret it. The seven days in the dark flew by in the end, and stepping back out into the light was a beautiful experience. I did some thinking, some crying, some raging, and I found a few answers. Now I just need to listen to them.

Dark retreats in Kutná Hora

I’m glad fate led me to Tomáš&Lenka (because the other venues were fully booked) – they are aware, loving people, and the short conversations I had with them during the dark retreat brought me to a few “eureka” moments. At first I thought I would avoid contact (so that the experience would be more intense); but I’m glad I let myself be helped and talked my “problems” through with Tomáš.

At the beginning of September I came to Tomáš and Lenka for a week-long dark retreat.

I felt it was a unique time to be alone with myself, to go deep, or rather into the depths, to live through anything at all in unconditional love.

I wished to surrender everything fully, and I was ready to fast.

So, after agreeing it with Tomáš, I wished to stay on water only from Saturday to Wednesday, without contact. Originally I’d intended to stay like that for the whole week.

(I had fasted several times before with herbal teas, and it was always hard. Rationally, though, I concluded that this was a unique opportunity, when I don’t have to cook and look after the family…)

The dark retreat began

The door closed and I felt happiness and gratitude at being stripped of everything…but the detox came with unexpected intensity (chills, vomiting, diarrhoea, shaking ,aching joints, headaches), I could barely get up and lie down…and in a darkness so thick, you couldn’t cut it with a knife …when even my soul was going through a desert of darkness never known before…in a pathless void…with unprecedented exhaustion. I had no idea what day or hour it was. I staggered outside( ! ).

Yes, I broke off the retreat, with regret, but also aware that I had overestimated my strength. I felt that this too was my freedom and an honest confession…at the time I thought that after breaking it off all that was left was to leave…the course of the therapy interrupted, no way back…

It was late on Monday evening.

I sipped tea with Lenka and the children and listened to stories of awe, fear, disappointment and hope…

After a kind welcome and a conversation with Lenka and Tomáš about the continuity of Oneness ( that’s how I put it into words) , I went back in, deciding to see what would ‘open up’.

With trust, and by now with light vegan food and warm tea.

I asked and came to rest…and the continuity emerged, it had never disappeared:-) …I was given gifts ( or at least that’s how I perceived everything, with gratitude…)

I won’t describe what came next, it is the story of my soul…

I lived through Oneness in love, acceptance and belonging…in freedom and healing

( still ongoing ).

Lenka visited me with food that was divine manna to me…with the open and loving heart of a guide…

The story still goes on, and I know that everything was right… without reproach ,that even the ‘holiest’ ideas are only ideas ,that a dark retreat is not a heroic feat :-),that anyone would ever be waiting for…and wishes are, again, only wishes…

Thank you .

Šárka

I decided on a dark retreat because I wasn’t sure which direction to take my life in.

And I don’t regret it.

The seven days in the dark flew by in the end, and stepping back out into the light was a beautiful experience. I did some thinking, some crying, some raging, and I found a few answers. Now I just need to listen to them.

I’m glad fate led me to Tomáš&Lenka (because the other venues were fully booked) – they are aware, loving people, and the short conversations I had with them in the dark brought me to a few “eureka” moments.

And what about contact during darkness therapy?

At first I thought I would avoid contact (so that the experience would be more intense); but I’m glad I let myself be helped and talked my “problems” through with Tomáš.

I can warmly recommend a dark retreat.

I found out about the dark retreat as a form of therapy “by chance” three years ago. My partner, a friend, another friend and I were on a camping trek, passing through a village in the Broumov region, when a local man we didn’t know, about thirty-five years old, called out to us and invited us into his garden, where he, his wife and a family friend were having a barbecue. We stayed there for several hours, deep in a very interesting conversation, during which we learnt about darkness therapy from the man’s own experience. Since then I thought about a dark retreat several times and even tried to plan one, but for one reason or another it just never worked out, and I took it to mean that the right time hadn’t come yet. That was to come, and it came only now…

Children taken care of, meals cooked, baking done, a kiss for my partner…and off we go :o)

The welcome before the dark retreat

Tomáš welcomed me very warmly, explained how everything works and said he would bring me a towel while I unpacked the essentials. So, by the light of my phone, I stowed my things under the bed in the cosy, sweet-smelling cabin, sat down on the bed and switched off my phone. After about a minute or two I felt a panicky anxiety bordering on hysteria, shot out of the door and burst into tears – partly at the thought that I would take back home with me what I had wanted to leave there, that I wouldn’t understand, wouldn’t accept … .A moment later Tomáš appeared with the towel, and through my tears I told him I couldn’t do it. As it was raining, we both went inside after all and talked. With his approach Tomáš won my trust immediately, and I felt as if we hadn’t known each other for only a few minutes but forever. We talked for maybe an hour, maybe two, and I decided to stay.

What went on over the days and nights that followed is hard to put across. When you can’t look at the world around you, like it or not you start looking into yourself…and the things you find… After two nights came the biggest turning point. I can’t find better words than to say that somehow my eyes were opened. Suddenly my life and everything that had happened to me in 35 years began to make sense. I saw the connections, each thing the result of the one before and the preparation for the next, again and again, all in the name of growth. All kinds of situations, pain and injustice, signals and signs – there was so much I could look at again. But thanks to the understanding I reached there, this time I perceived and experienced everything differently. I felt an indescribable relief and joy, and along with it a deep gratitude, love, humility and respect for everything and everyone I could possibly imagine, including myself – a feeling I had never known until then.

After darkness therapy

As I write these words, I’m sitting by the window. Every time I look outside, I’m in awe. I would never have believed how beautiful a misty day like this can be. I can make out the outlines of the poplars, I admire the hoarfrost on the roof of my car and the picture a child’s finger drew on its door this morning… I have healthy eyes, I can see – thank you, God. Thank you, thank you.

Gábi

PS: Of our foursome of trekkers, I’m the second to have done a dark retreat. The third of us has a date booked right now…

I spent a long time deciding what to actually write about the dark retreat.

Expectations of a dark retreat

After my experience with a 21-day fast, I tried not to have any expectations about how it would go, or perhaps even about the outcome. There were small expectations all the same, so there was a gap between what I’d read and what happened in the dark – or, more precisely, what didn’t happen :).

How the retreat went

The dark retreat was pretty calm and nothing major or in any way wild happened. Worth mentioning is the wonderful feeling of gratitude towards Tomáš and Lenka for their approach. Whenever I was eating, I really relished Lenka’s vegetarian food, and all in all I had a lovely rest.

What happens during a dark retreat

Even so, it seemed to me that nothing major was happening, and my ego was grunting with contentment :). But things were happening, and above all still are – it’s just that they’re such small, subjective experiences that they’re very hard to describe. Everyone has to live through and experience it for themselves; nobody can do it for us :).

The dark retreat was, and still is, an important part of my journey towards understanding and overall freedom, and I’m really glad of it.

Many thanks to Lenka and Tomáš for their approach and care.

Jirka

Everything sort of works, but it’s more grey than colourful. Yes, you’re living, but why exactly, and what for, who for? Where did I lose my thread, my path, am I still following it? Those were exactly my questions, together with a slight curiosity and excitement, as I made up my mind to step into the depths of the darkness in Lomec.

My expectations of the dark retreat

My experiences exceeded my expectations! The all-pervading darkness and silence. The professional approach of the guides and Lenča’s wonderfully tasty vegetarian food.Oh no, this is only where it begins. And what exactly?

Starting darkness therapy

Tomáš tells me that after two or three days of the dark retreat it all kicks in, the brain starts working in a different mode. In my case, though, everything is completely different from day two. If I were to compare my brain to a computer, mine literally started defragmenting itself. In other words, all my memories from, let’s say, the last 15 years started to replay, sort themselves out and file themselves in the right places. I didn’t have to do anything, just lie there and watch; everything else takes care of itself. “System maintenance” was flashing on the monitor in the control tower. I could look through all my memories and go back and forth through them; they were all available down to the smallest detail.

Results of darkness therapy

Of course I have many more experiences. It goes roughly like this: I’d always be lying comfortably on my sleeping mat and my brain, my being, my soul would say… (spontaneously, just out of the blue) time to get to work. Straight away I had a thought in my head and I worked on it until the problem was resolved. That it was sometimes very intense is something not only my guides know about, but their children too, and quite possibly the neighbours, who probably heard the sounds coming from the sanctuary. That’s how, in two regressions, I lost 2 T-shirts and about 100 tonnes of baggage.

At first I wondered whether it might have been better to choose the 14-day option, but I’ll tell you this. If they’d told me about another week on the Friday, Lomec would probably be one sanctuary short 🙂

Dear friends and future fellow travellers through the darkness and through your own selves. I warmly recommend darkness therapy to you, and I thank Existence, Tomáš, Lenča and my family that I, too, was able to immerse myself in the darkness.

Jakub

The dark retreat found me on its own. Years ago I read about darkness therapy in Reflex magazine, and one winter in the mountains a friend told me that a colleague of hers had done it and how he had felt.

I couldn’t imagine what a dark retreat would be like

I had a mix of feelings: experiment, curiosity, a wish to understand. I looked up where Lomec near Úmonín was, paid the deposit and waited for my date. The nerves before I started were so thick you could cut them with a knife. I enjoyed my last sunny day, and in the early evening my girlfriend drove me off into the unknown; our hurried goodbye played on my mind later. I smoked my last cigarette, Tomáš showed me round the room with a torch and after a while locked the door.

An unforgettable week of darkness therapy began

I won’t describe my states in the sanctuary, because it is an individual experience and I don’t want to plant any feelings or visions in anyone’s mind. But after the dark, my life changed fundamentally. I try to live in the present, and all my earlier worries seem trivial. I think I’ve given up smoking, and I’ve started eating more healthily. But above all, I value my friends, my little son and my girlfriend more. It was a powerful experience for her too; we are more honest with each other and our relationship has deepened.

I want to wish all the other “travellers” nerves of steel. Try to overcome your fears, it’s worth it .)

Matěj

Me before darkness therapy

I’m a university student, used to being constantly on the go and slowly getting used to the way the world works. I’d been interested in darkness therapy for a while, so I was really looking forward to my dark retreat and had big expectations.

Now I’m in the dark

It was only in the dark that I realised how transactional my approach to a lot of things is – I expect some obvious, immediate return instead of appreciating what has come. In everyday life there is plenty of time to run away from things and keep yourself busy in all sorts of ways other than actually dealing with what’s troubling you.

A week of dark retreat

was the complete opposite for me: a chance to think, to plan, to make up my mind about lots of things and finally close the book on many others. Still, like everything, it’s a journey, a process, and now, after a week of rest, I can set out on it with new energy and enthusiasm.
Honza