Very intense work, a renovation at home on top of it, and far too much going on in his head. This time we bring you the experience of a man who came on a dark retreat because he knew he needed a rest. As a long-time smoker, he had just one worry: how he would cope with the darkness without a cigarette. He left with a clear, clean feeling, the realisation that a habit is only a state of mind, and a wish to come back. Why didn’t he miss cigarettes at all, how did he eat in the dark, and who would he recommend the darkness to?
A clean feeling after coming out
It’s quite a strange feeling, a clean one, you could say. I took your advice, and when I came out my head really was spinning a little. I came out at five in the morning to let my eyes adjust a bit. It wasn’t anything terrible, it was more funny than anything. I tried to take a few steps and sit down here on the bench, and although I didn’t get there with an entirely steady step, I sat here for a while and soon it was fine, it was nice.
And now I have this clean feeling, the kind you get when you come back out after having the chance to be alone with your thoughts and not deal with anything else. It’s interesting, it’s nice.
Why a dark retreat: there was too much on my mind
It definitely recharged me. I came because I have a very intense job, and now on top of that a renovation at home and all sorts of other things. There was really an awful lot on my mind, and I simply knew I had to come here. I don’t regret it, not at all, quite the opposite. I’m glad I did it.
In the first days I slept up to three times a day
I caught up on sleep, definitely, especially in the first two days. I think in those first days I slept two or three times a day. I suspect the light in the bedroom at home is going to be a bit of a problem now. If so, I’ll get myself a sleep mask.
With the light on, there’s more room than it seems
When I then switched the light on, I was surprised how spacious it is. When you’re in the dark and moving around, you sort of feel for the edges. I admit it didn’t always work, but it was more amusing than dangerous. When you switch the light on after all that time, you think: good grief, there’s more room here than it feels like when you’re in the dark.
There’s just the right amount of space in the cabin. Everything you need is there, so for me it’s absolutely ideal.
I don’t know what I ate, but it was excellent
I managed eating in the dark quite well. I was probably most nervous when pouring milk over my muesli, so I was careful at first, and then I got more confident. The containers were well sealed, so I took them to my spot on the sleeping mat, sat down and only opened them there.
The food was superb, by the way, I have to praise it, both the taste and how honest and wholesome it was. I may not know what I ate, because I couldn’t see it, but it tasted excellent. I’ve probably only experienced anything similar at school. In first grade, when I tasted a raw potato for the first time, or maybe in second grade, when we were blindfolded, given something to eat and had to guess what it was. This was better than a raw potato.
Darkness therapy again? No reason it should be the last time
The thought of doing the darkness again, maybe even for a week, came to me towards the end. I can’t say it a hundred percent right now, it’s all still fresh, I only just came out. But I definitely have the feeling there’s no reason this should be the last time.
I didn’t miss cigarettes at all
There’s one more thing I’ll admit. As a long-time smoker, I had just one worry: how I’d manage here without a cigarette. I didn’t say so, but that’s how it was. And I have to say it went completely without a problem. At one point I just realised I hadn’t smoked for a while, and actually I didn’t miss it at all.
I was really very worried about it, and in the end it was completely unnecessary. There were no moments at all of the “God, I could do with a smoke” kind. I just confirmed for myself that a habit really is only a state of mind. I hope I left it outside before I even shut myself in, and that I’ll carry on without it. We’ll see, but I don’t want to go back to smoking.
An overloaded mind? This is the best way
To anyone who has doubts, I can only recommend it. If someone really feels that their mind is overloaded, that it’s all getting too much and they really need a rest, I think this is the best way.
You’re alone with your thoughts and you don’t have to do anything at all. If you feel like sleeping, you lie down. If you feel like a shower, you go and have a shower. You don’t deal with anything, time is out there. Everything is relative, as they say. I think a lot of people need this, and I can only recommend it.
We have put together the frequently asked questions that people ask before a dark retreat.
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