Hi there,
In the dark I could feel all the fear, helplessness, panic, anger and sadness at the highest intensity I have ever experienced. And I really was scared of what I’d find in there. On the other hand, I feel that I now know what’s inside me, and that maybe I was afraid it would be worse. But it was very hard for me to go through all that pain that has been lying inside me since who knows when. At least I feel I’ve learnt to work with those emotions better in normal life too, but I’m still learning.
Before the retreat I read lots of positive reviews on the website about how people came out calm, full of light and who knows what else positive. Then I also felt a sense of failure, that I hadn’t managed it. What helped me more, on the contrary, was hearing that people leave early, or even come back later to finish their retreat. After that I didn’t feel under so much pressure that I had to get through it.
I know that feeling is my own thing. All my life I’ve heard that I have to put up with things, and I keep convincing myself over and over that I don’t have to. The process simply goes on and something definitely shifted strongly inside me – if you want to change, you have to do it yourself anyway.
Best wishes,
Lenka
