Hmmm, how do you begin with something as intimate as being alone with yourself?
Longing to be alone, a dark retreat, a desert island
For a long time I longed to be alone, to take a few bottles of good wine and two or three books with me and go off to a desert island.
Since that kind of solitude wasn’t feasible, I looked for some alternative. Now and then I browsed various websites and came across darkness therapy. It still took me a while before I wrote to Tomáš. Once I’d taken the first step, the rest followed by itself.
I booked a date and the decision was made. I deliberately didn’t look for more information about the dark retreat, so as not to be influenced by other people’s experiences and not to have high expectations
Will I last the dark retreat?
As the date approached, doubts crept in about whether I could manage it. Will I run away? Will I stick it out? Will I panic?
Tomáš showed me into the cabin, explained how we would communicate and what the rules were, and told me something very important: ” Do NOTHING, just be aware of yourself.” and we said goodbye. I went for one more walk around the garden, went into the cabin, closed the door, switched off the light, and there was darkness. Total darkness..
I thought I’d be afraid, that fear and anxiety would come. Nothing. Calm. Trust. For the first three days I slept a lot. After that it didn’t really work any more; my brain switched into a defragmentation process and wouldn’t stop, it rustled, grumbled, nudged, processed and discarded. There was no stopping it.
Conversations in the dark
An important part of the dark retreat was the conversations with both Lenka and Tomáš. Each of them could see things from a different angle, and that helped me understand. The food Lenka prepared was very tasty.Amazing. I realised how much more you taste without your eyes. How differently I perceive smells. How important touch is. I had great fun guessing which vegetables I was eating in the salad. I also managed to spill my nuts, and believe me, I wasn’t bored at all while I was picking them up.
My experiences in the darkness were thoroughly positive. I went there wanting to sort out and finish things within myself. And that happened.
Why darkness therapy?
I see the retreat as a very important step towards self-knowledge and self-awareness.
How do I feel now? Balanced, humble, calm and with love in my heart.
Being alone with yourself is a gift that we humans don’t really know how to make use of any more. Are we afraid of ourselves?
Dáša
