I found out about the dark retreat as a form of therapy “by chance” three years ago. My partner, a friend, another friend and I were on a camping trek, passing through a village in the Broumov region, when a local man we didn’t know, about thirty-five years old, called out to us and invited us into his garden, where he, his wife and a family friend were having a barbecue. We stayed there for several hours, deep in a very interesting conversation, during which we learnt about darkness therapy from the man’s own experience. Since then I thought about a dark retreat several times and even tried to plan one, but for one reason or another it just never worked out, and I took it to mean that the right time hadn’t come yet. That was to come, and it came only now…
Children taken care of, meals cooked, baking done, a kiss for my partner…and off we go :o)
The welcome before the dark retreat
Tomáš welcomed me very warmly, explained how everything works and said he would bring me a towel while I unpacked the essentials. So, by the light of my phone, I stowed my things under the bed in the cosy, sweet-smelling cabin, sat down on the bed and switched off my phone. After about a minute or two I felt a panicky anxiety bordering on hysteria, shot out of the door and burst into tears – partly at the thought that I would take back home with me what I had wanted to leave there, that I wouldn’t understand, wouldn’t accept … .A moment later Tomáš appeared with the towel, and through my tears I told him I couldn’t do it. As it was raining, we both went inside after all and talked. With his approach Tomáš won my trust immediately, and I felt as if we hadn’t known each other for only a few minutes but forever. We talked for maybe an hour, maybe two, and I decided to stay.
What went on over the days and nights that followed is hard to put across. When you can’t look at the world around you, like it or not you start looking into yourself…and the things you find… After two nights came the biggest turning point. I can’t find better words than to say that somehow my eyes were opened. Suddenly my life and everything that had happened to me in 35 years began to make sense. I saw the connections, each thing the result of the one before and the preparation for the next, again and again, all in the name of growth. All kinds of situations, pain and injustice, signals and signs – there was so much I could look at again. But thanks to the understanding I reached there, this time I perceived and experienced everything differently. I felt an indescribable relief and joy, and along with it a deep gratitude, love, humility and respect for everything and everyone I could possibly imagine, including myself – a feeling I had never known until then.
After darkness therapy
As I write these words, I’m sitting by the window. Every time I look outside, I’m in awe. I would never have believed how beautiful a misty day like this can be. I can make out the outlines of the poplars, I admire the hoarfrost on the roof of my car and the picture a child’s finger drew on its door this morning… I have healthy eyes, I can see – thank you, God. Thank you, thank you.
Gábi
PS: Of our foursome of trekkers, I’m the second to have done a dark retreat. The third of us has a date booked right now…
