I was looking forward to the dark retreat.
I gave it as a present – to myself – for my birthday.
I approached the whole thing as a kind of wellness break — mainly to rest.
To step off the everyday merry-go-round, disconnect from the world, enjoy the peace, the silence, the vegetarian food and “switch off”.
In doing so I actually connected COMPLETELY with myself……….:-)
Darkness is a good friend of mine
I’m good at being alone, darkness is a good friend of mine, and there was no major life step I needed to sort out.
I told myself, give it a go and see………..what it does to you………..whether you can handle it.
The first three days were for acclimatising, my body was getting used to a different routine…….I’m glad I decided on a whole week, because for me the first three days were just a kind of preparation for what came afterwards…..learning to do NOTHING takes enough time;-)
No panic, and no packing up and fleeing either.
On the contrary – when I knew it was my last day, I felt a pang of disappointment that the dark retreat was already ending.
I was looking forward to seeing my family………….but the calm and peace I experienced here were blissful.
It was as if I were in the state before birth. In my mummy’s tummy. I didn’t want to come out.
Ending the dark retreat was a “birth”
Being “born” into the world again – now that was purgatory! For me personally, coming out of the dark was harder than going into it.
Outside I was terribly cold, and the starry sky knocked me sideways so much that I had to sit down. I couldn’t walk, my legs were shaking.
I’m not surprised babies scream when they’re born……the light – well, the dusk really – and the cold are a shock.
I was staggering about, everything was spinning. It took me several hours to switch back into functioning mode; my body was getting used to the change again – to functioning and reacting – to light, movement, noise, activity, speech………..
Will I do a dark retreat again?
Do it again?
DEFINITELY, and gladly…….but more likely some time in spring or summer, so that I’m reborn into the warmth 🙂 and can lie down in the grass.
…..it was very cleansing, not just physically but mentally too — I wonder how much energetic waste each person leaves behind there, because I myself left two big sacks of baggage standing by the door…which I refuse to drag through life with me any longer.
All three of us in our group completed the whole week and stayed to the end.
That made me happy.
Something I found interesting afterwards was discovering that all three of us had kept a diary in the dark.
A big thank you for what you do – I don’t know if it can be called work — more of a mission, which you carry out for other people.
I’m not surprised you have such a long waiting list, and it was good news to read in your e-mail that you plan to build a northern sanctuary.
Now and then, in private, I go back into the dark and the silence and try to recreate the calm and well-being I came to know with you.
With all best wishes and warm regards
Jana
P.S. I take the fact that I lost 2 kilos by doing nothing and eating great food as a particularly funny side effect:-D
