What was a week in the dark like?
Short.
I didn’t think ahead about what it would be like in the dark; inside, I knew that I wanted it (and probably that I already knew it). Only once did the thought flash through my mind that maybe I was being overconfident and ought at least to visit the Café in the Dark first, but I never found the time, so I simply came.
A dark retreat just for me
Once there, I had a clear sense that it had all been prepared precisely for me. A small wooden cabin, warm, a comfortable bed, a hot shower, an exercise mat on the floor, exactly the kind I’d ended up leaving at home so as not to bring too much, and plenty of room to exercise. I appreciated being able to turn the light off myself, and to unpack and get ready the way I needed to.
Otherwise it probably went pretty much by the book.
The first 2 days I slept a lot (and meditated a little – exercised – ate).
The next 2 days I daydreamed a lot and imagined specific things, though nothing earth-shattering – like how I’d want to spend 4 days in Paris with my younger daughter, or how to be a vegan in a way I’d actually enjoy (and I meditated – exercised – ate). Somewhere in the middle I dreamt that I’d gone out running at night “by mistake” and ruined the whole stay; I told Lenka about it and was amused when she said all of us had come up with something similar that day.
And then the dark retreat took off
In the last 2 days I finally started working on myself. Until then time had passed at a reasonable pace; from that moment it began to fly. At one point I was convinced it was still evening and Tomáš arrived with food for the next day already, which slightly alarmed me. Shortly before the stay I had opened up the ability to access past lives (my own) and clear them, so I went through the problems of my life and their roots, as far as I could manage. Some things were intense, but I enjoyed it a lot; the prevailing feeling was one of enormous joy and adventure that something like this is even possible, despite the fact that you’re opening up what you haven’t yet dealt with, of course. I also received specific ideas about what to do next, and answers to questions. The last answer came 10 minutes before the alarm went off; for a long while I’d been puzzling over the relationship between spontaneity and discipline (because for me they’re fairly mutually exclusive: I admire spontaneity, and I’m drawn to discipline) and inner guidance. (In case anyone happens to be interested: in the past, 50, 100, 200, 1,000 years ago, if someone wanted to become a spiritual master or at least more conscious, discipline was one of the suitable tools for working your way up to a connection above (provided it came from a pure heart and desire and was not forced or obligatory). Today the vibrations are different, and spontaneity (= harmony, inner guidance, the feeling that I do something simply because that’s how I feel it) is “better” than discipline, but there’s a small catch: you have to make sure you really are being guided by “how you feel it” and not by something else.
For example, if someone spontaneously comes to the conclusion that they want to stop smoking, excellent, and they may be lucky enough to seize the right moment and never feel like it again; but it can also happen that in a week, a month… they’ll have the “feeling” that they’ll have just one cigarette. That, though, is the memory and habit of the body, not the spontaneity you’re supposed to let guide you (let’s leave aside for now whether it’s healthy to stop smoking all at once or gradually). And there are also people (like me, for instance) who are spontaneously drawn to a certain discipline, because otherwise they tend to get so distracted by every interesting thing around them that, if they’re ever to get anywhere in life… The strength of discipline is reliability; the strength of spontaneity is openness to the here and now, and creativity. End of digression.) And I exercised and meditated, and on the last day I spontaneously skipped the food.
Darkness therapy and a lovely morning
The morning outside was overcast but lovely. I didn’t perceive any intense colours or sounds, but I was delighted that the dog greeted me and jumped up at me, perhaps more than at the other 2 participants – the last 2 things I’d been working through were about dogs… The 3 of us chatted for a while about why we’d wanted that week and how we’d experienced it, and even though I don’t really know what the other 2 participants were called, I’ll remember that conversation.
Seeing things clearly is one thing; bringing them into reality is another. Some smaller things (the children’s relationship with the dog, for instance) have improved, we’re doing more to help that along, and I understand their reactions better. My main issue is still unresolved and I didn’t manage to take all the concrete steps I could have. Then I had 2 ideas; I carried out one of them and it worked out about 75 per cent; the part I started working on right after I got back came off 100 per cent, while what I only finished off after Christmas no longer had that energy. ? The night I got back I didn’t go to sleep but got to work; but because I hadn’t slept much during the last 2 days at Tomáš and Lenka’s either, I didn’t dare pull another all-nighter; it was before Christmas, I’d been away from the children for a week. Where is that line…
With the second project I’m only really starting now; I just sorted out the practical things straight away. It’s a talk about 2 books on spiritual regression by Dolores Cannon, which are only available in English, and now I’m curious to see whether it will draw its audience.
Darkness even after coming home
On the second or third day after I got back, the transformer burnt out in our walk-in wardrobe at home, where I most often meditate and where there’s no window, so it’s dark in there 🙂 We’ve only fitted a small lamp. The ideal place to carry on 🙂
And I’ve booked another date for the summer; hopefully I’ll manage to fit it around the children’s activities; I’m a bit nervous (where is the line between working on yourself and selfishness). A week is short, so 14 days then, though for me I feel 10 would be ideal. Even though you can move about and exercise in the cabin, I’m afraid my self-discipline might slip; I’ll miss being able to walk or run… But that’s just a detail.
Many thanks to Tomáš and Lenka for the good mood, the support and the beautiful energy they spread around them.
