Hi Lenka and Tomáš,
it’s more than a month since I was on a week-long dark retreat. I’d like to thank you once again for your support and the lovely setting. I’d been planning my week in the dark for quite a while, and the best moment to go was straight after my final state exams. More than anything, I was looking forward to the calm and ease in the dark, which I’d been missing for a long time.
At first, a week in the dark seemed to me like an interesting opportunity to clear my head and think about what I’d do after university. When I told a few people, word quickly spread all over town, and everyone had a barrage of questions ready and, with baffled expressions, tried to work out what I was actually after.
A dark retreat made to measure
Before the dark, Tomáš told us that in the dark each person gets exactly what they need. And he was right.
I slept through the first days of the retreat. The following days my brain was completely ,,wiped“ and I just stared into the darkness without any thoughts at all. That was exactly what I needed. Once I was completely rested, the questions came. For days on end something kept running through my head, and I had time to take each thought properly apart. It was different somehow from doing this in everyday life. It felt as if I could see every thought in my head from all sides and find the right answer.
Towards the end of the retreat I had a huge urge to go outside and kept thinking about how many hours were left before I’d come out into the light. I couldn’t wait for the sunrise and to breathe fresh air again. It was the sunrise that made the biggest impression on me out of the whole time in the dark. It was the end and I felt great. I had a bigger appetite for life than perhaps ever before. That’s where I had my last emotional moment, and then off I went to be among people. After a week of silence, I was dying to talk to someone. The first people I saw were Dalibor and his girlfriend. It was great to share my impressions with someone who had been through it too. Thanks to you both 😊
At home people quizzed me about the dark retreat
Everything changed when I got home and everyone started asking questions. I learned one version and repeated it over and over until I realised that what I was saying no longer meant anything to me. At first that frightened me, because I had no memories of the dark, only the stories I’d been telling everyone. After a month people stopped asking, and the moments and feelings I associate with the dark retreat are slowly coming back to me.
Next time I’ll keep this experience just to myself. Even though I was glad so many people supported me, it’s quite an intimate thing really, and only those closest to you should know about it.
The dark retreat allowed me to be alone
I think this was the longest time I’ve been able to be just with myself and really get to know myself. It gave me a lot of energy for life, more self-confidence and a sense of certainty. I’m really glad I had the chance to do this retreat.
Thanks once again
Take care
Renata
