Wishing you all a lovely day, and greetings to Tomáš and Lenka!
Memories of a dark retreat
At first it didn’t seem necessary to write a few lines about the dark retreat I did last year. Everything was natural and calm. I saw it as another step in life that moves me further along, and it was nothing so big that I needed to pass it on or reflect on it. Only today, as I look back on the dark retreat, have I made time to write.
I made the preparation more enjoyable on the way to Lomec. I got off on the outskirts of Kutná Hora, walked to Chlístovice to the Sion castle ruins and slowly headed on towards Březová. My arrival was in the evening, so there was time to clear my head before sleep.
The first days in the dark
The first day or two were about sleeping and losing track of time. I let go of the image of that inner tension, when you don’t know what time it actually is, the moment it took on a “shape”. And that shape was a ringing alarm clock with no hands. A dogged, non-stop jangling, because the clock doesn’t actually know when the right time is. Once I switched it off, the remaining days were just about experiences.
Maybe I’m one of those people who, when it comes to impressions, have the sensitivity of an oak stump. But whatever gets carved into it lasts a long time. The darkness managed it. I carry it with me still. I retreat into it whenever the whirl of things around me and inside me tries to sweep me away. Meditation and work are easier for me. Lots of stimuli used to distract me more easily than they do today. It’s like giving a lecture to a noisy audience. Instead of trying to shout over them, it turned out easier to slow down and find the one or two people who are unsettling the rest. Both are easily lost in the crowd until you turn your attention to each of them separately. Without anonymity, they either fall silent or, on the contrary, raise something very thought-provoking (for or against me). Both are perfectly fine. I use this on my thoughts. It strengthens introspection and deepens self-knowledge. That’s how, in the dark, I looked at my calm, my excitement, my wish to leave, my wish to stay and so on. They either disappeared or brought something thought-provoking. I’ve kept that to this day.
A dark retreat isn’t quite for everyone
There aren’t many people around me who have been drawn to a dark retreat. The idea mostly frightens them. I don’t think I was frightened before the retreat or during it. In a way I wanted to test whether this was an attitude the darkness would shake. It didn’t. I can recommend a dark retreat even to those who are doing well and just want to try it. The darkness is calm and won’t disturb you. But I believe that playing it cool is pretty loud music, and it might be interesting to take it into the dark.
Reading this back, I need to add that I take after my father: a hot-tempered choleric who is never at a loss for words and never far from letting off steam. That’s how it was, is and probably will be. But in the dark, with no audience, a whole series of my natural outbursts seemed laughable and somehow pointless. That’s something I intend to work on in future. Thank you for the chance to realise it.
Take care, in darkness and in light!
Petr
