A lovely day to you too, Tom and Lenča,
I’m very happy to write you some feedback on my retreat.
Things in life come at just the right time
If a dark retreat is meant to come to us, it will make itself known. It had been “calling” me for almost two years. I took inspiration from Jarda Dušek and chose Easter for my retreat.
My week-long retreat, Saturday to Saturday, began on the day of a strong full moon. I was afraid I’d be scared in the dark, that nasty bogeymen would crawl out and I wouldn’t make it. I also couldn’t believe I wouldn’t be bored stiff in there for a whole week. I’m a very active person, and if you shut me in at home for more than a day, I’ll escape through the window 🙂 .
Luckily, none of those fears came true. I walked round the sanctuary, settled in and switched off the light myself. Suddenly I felt enormous relief, calm and joy. Everything came to a stop. Just me, the silence and the merciful darkness. I collapsed into bed and fell asleep within moments. Paradoxically, the darkness brought no fears or demons. It gave me a sense of safety, calm and adventure.
I was afraid I’d lose my mind
For the first few days I was getting used to the new routine, sleeping a lot and enjoying the amazing meals Tomáš brought. When one sense is switched off, the others get stronger, so the food was an unbelievable delight. On the third day stronger headaches started, along with flashes in front of my eyes. I was worried that what I’d feared was really coming and I’d finally lose my mind. Fortunately, Tomáš reassured me that headaches are normal, even desirable. My head finally had the chance to cleanse itself, let go of unnecessary baggage and tidy up. And as we know, tidying up hurts. The flashes happen because the cornea is regenerating. Reassured that I probably wasn’t going to go mad in the dark after all, I stepped forward to meet the days ahead.
What to take to darkness therapy…
Practical things I’d recommend taking into the dark are a notebook, a pencil, a ruler and a meditation mala. Every day I wrote notes. I kept my bearings on the page with a ruler that Tomáš got for me when I asked. I wrote out all my feelings, and those notes are very powerful. I’ve already forgotten many things from the dark, but thanks to these notes I can work with them again. Although I’ll admit I’ve only opened them once since the retreat… I feel great respect for them.
But I know I can go back to them any time. The meditation mala also helped me a lot. For reciting mantras as well as singing songs, thinking about people I know, what each of them has brought me… Every bead means something and helps you anchor yourself in the dark beautifully. It’s also good to practise unselfish, pure and beautiful self-love. You stop at each bead and find 108 reasons in total why you’re amazing. Believe it or not, everyone finds them, because everyone is amazing in their own unique and original way.
It’s better not to have expectations
Sometimes you can’t help it, though. Yes, I had them too. I expected incredible visions to come to me, images of the past and future to merge and tell me their secrets. None of that happened. No visions or voices came to me, but the messages came in the form of dreams, which Tomáš helped me decode. Thanks to these conversations I discovered amazing things. Tom, thank you. You’re the right person in the right place.
After the dark retreat I feel calmer
It’s now been over a month since I made my pilgrimage into the depths of my soul. I can say I feel a change. It’s a small change, not obvious at first glance, but inside it plays a huge role. I feel more inner peace. I’m better at coming back to myself. I like the dark (I used to be a bit afraid of it). Bit by bit I’m tidying up not only inside myself, I’m also rearranging my whole flat. I’m doing things I’d been forcing myself to do for years… I can switch off the computer at work and go and live. I enjoy time on my own. I don’t feel lonely any more – after all, none of us is ever alone. We always have our best friend inside us 🙂 .
I’m grateful for the chance to experience this week. Speaking for myself, I can only recommend it. When the darkness calls me again, I’ll gladly set off to meet it once more.
Wishing you lovely days, extraordinary experiences, love and joy 🙂 .
Lenka
