Life brings plenty of situations and moments when you sense clearly and precisely within yourself what is going to follow.
In my case it’s this Saturday evening, when a signal from “within” sent the message that I should write something about my dark retreat (which I’ll supplement a little with the thoughts I wrote down in pencil in a notepad during the retreat, as some people before me here had advised).
It’s been four months now since I left my week-long dark retreat, and I definitely don’t want to write only about how I’ve changed or how it changed my life.
This life journey is so individual and personal that it is in fact impossible to pass on and hard to describe.
“Each of us has it clearly laid down at the moment of birth which direction our life will take. To think, perhaps, that we can influence everything, … In doing so we commit, against the universe, a completely senseless attempt to change the flow of energies, to manipulate the present and to be entirely cut off from the source of everything.”
As it so often goes, one morning at work my inner voice told me clearly – it’s time, now is the time.
A dark retreat was nothing unknown to me
I’d known about dark retreats for many years, but evidently it was only now that the flow of life brought a clear message across my path.
It was April and I was given a date of 18 November. I’d been used to being in silence and alone for some time, and besides, according to the Native Americans the 52nd year of life is the turning point, so I had no fear of the dark; rather I felt a certain respect, or something like that, and what I was looking forward to most of all was finally not perceiving time and the constant boundaries from somewhere to somewhere, and so on… At that point I had no idea at all how magnificent it would be and what I’d experience within myself through it.
TIME IS NOT NECESSARY – when you flow with it, there is just enough of everything. You only need to perceive yourself, and with that your surroundings. Then there is balance and harmony.
The retreat captivated me completely. I have only one word for it – liberating.
And the retreat itself?
I didn’t have visions or patterns in the space around me like others who’ve experienced dark retreats tend to have. – Tomáš told me it’s apparently individual. Of course, I perceived the visualisations within myself with absolute clarity, including some of the actors…
JUST OBSERVE!
It doesn’t matter who is playing or how. What the roles are. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a drama or a comedy.
YOU ARE THE THEATRE
Just observe!
Stay uninvolved!
Observe and don’t judge
YOU ARE THE THEATRE
FEEL THE GREATNESS OF THE GREAT
Everything is one; as soon as the mind separates from the body – it is not in unity
Everything is everything – great, infinite
(I got an explanation for that the very next day – very personal J )
I perceive everything…
I didn’t hear direct voices either, but for instance the deep groaning of the old tree next to the cabin (I believe it was a tree) – I talked with it perhaps all day, it told me everything, had a bit of a moan and so on.
But that perception of everything, that I am everything, that everything is me, that I can look at all my thoughts as if in 3D, see everything completely differently, roll out of bed into the space beside me, into a substance that isn’t black at all, swim in it, enjoy the fact that I am – yes, that’s it, that I am!
For describing this state, words simply aren’t enough, and above all there aren’t any.
I received answers even to things I’d had no idea were so deeply rooted and unresolved in the depths of my soul.
Walking a shared path is nonsense.
You can only walk alongside each other; each of us has our own path, and above all our children do. Don’t try to force anyone to walk your path. Only that is freedom, that is giving love, space and freedom. Each individual’s universe floats in the shared universe…
On top of that, I thoroughly enjoyed the whole week to the sound of Tibetan bowls, yin yoga practice and meditation.
Your path, your decision
So if anyone feels “inwardly” empty (even though they have a wife, children, a lover, property and all the rest of the blah, blah), and listens to their inner child, which tells them clearly what it wants, and there’s a mention in there that the dark could be a path, then trust it and go.
It’s your path, your decision, and definitely don’t let others talk you out of it, especially those who haven’t tried it but know for certain that it’s nonsense you’re paying for on top.
What did I say to my colleagues’ questions after returning from the dark?
“If you’re going to think about it or doubt it, if you’ll miss your phone, the internet and other utterly pointless things that pull you away from the present, if you expect it to give you something… then don’t do it. The journey into the dark is the journey of your personal growth… A journey of consciousness, at the end of which a beautiful light awaits you, along with an understanding of the game that is being played around you.”
A last note before leaving the sanctuary
To finish, one of the last notes before leaving the sanctuary. In the dark you do everything consciously. Even putting things down, you do completely consciously and in the present. Everything has its place (I mean objects), even if the door handle sometimes wanders off half a metre this way or that.
There are wonderful scents here – wood, teas… there’s enormous calm and a feeling of abundance and safety. Slow the pace – you release the pressure, which creates more space and time for solutions, or for the state of things to emerge. Keep watching, observing and releasing pressure and tension. You don’t push, you don’t race, you don’t compare – you flow and enjoy it. Don’t interfere in anything with anyone. Let them do things their own way and just observe. You can be part of everything, but at the same time you can leave at any moment. Anywhere, without reason or explanation.
In conclusion…
My great personal thanks go to Tomáš and Lenka, who made sure that I could stop in my life and realise what matters, and above all, ABOVE ALL, free myself from the programmes of the mind and the senseless scripts of my assumptions.
To understand my parents, my children, my dysfunctional relationships and why everything happens and repeats the way it does… and above all why!
Thank you for the superb food, which I admittedly never saw, but the taste was amazing and I still miss it to this day 🙂 . Lenka is a brilliant cook. And Tomáš, to you especially for the very enriching conversations!
Tom, I’ll definitely come back some day to unplug from this “Matrix” around me 😀 and be at home again for a while, within myself.
Jirka
