Not letting others influence you

Each of us at some point finds ourselves at a crossroads, longing to stop the hectic world for a moment and give some time to ourselves alone. When someone arrives at our centre determined to look into their inner space, we know a deep personal story awaits them. Today we bring you an authentic account of darkness therapy straight from one of our visitors, who decided to share his feelings, challenges and moments of insight from a week-long experience.

A decision that came from me, and the first steps

The decision to come here came from me, from inside. I had been thinking about it for a while; it’s about three or four years back that I had the first flash of an idea that I would come and spend some time alone with myself. In the end I went straight for seven days. Originally I was thinking of three days to ease in, but if I was going to do it, then seven. A week of darkness therapy was, in my opinion, an excellent decision.

On the first day I did regret it a bit, because normally you get used to your surroundings and your airspace. On the first day I felt a kind of tightness in the room. I was there alone with the darkness all around. It was hard. Then one crisis came on the third day, but we walked that one off together. I just needed to talk, to ground myself a bit and feel some support. After that I focused fully on my goal. As I got closer to the end, everything got better and better.

How people around me reacted, and finding inner certainty

The first impulse came years ago, but then it faded. I didn’t feel I needed it at the time. Then, some time around Christmas, I told myself the right moment had come. Before the dark retreat was due to start, I was completely at peace. But a few days before coming, I confided in my friends. They immediately planted the idea in my head that it was a stupid thing to do.

I fell into great uncertainty. I had been looking forward to it the whole time, but as the date approached I was terribly nervous. I even said to myself, if only I were ill. The people around me had sown a seed of doubt, and it swelled up a bit. I knew myself that I wanted this, but other people’s opinions ate away at me. With hindsight, though, I see the dark retreat as one of the most positive decisions of my life.

Realisation in silence and building immunity to pressure

In everyday life we always let ourselves be influenced by those around us. It was in the silence that I realised that I alone create my world and the way I perceive it. The people around me only tell me what is right and how I should do things. Here, my innermost feelings came to me. There was no one around, no one telling me anything, no one judging. There was only me.

Those around us influence us, but we can build up immunity. You should listen to yourself, to your inner feelings, and not to others. If I hadn’t been convinced about my path and someone had just given it to me as a gift, I probably would have run away. My colleague Irena, for instance, was given a three-day retreat as a gift by her son on the strength of a single remark. She managed it, but at first she wasn’t inwardly convinced about it.

How darkness brings a feeling of safety

People should listen to their inner voice. In ordinary life it gets drowned out by those around you, because someone is always telling you something and then you’re in a muddle inside. I used to be afraid of the dark as such. But here I discovered that darkness brings tremendous calm and safety. You know you’re not in some cave where it’s cold and chilly. It’s warm here. I spent the spring here, the most beautiful time of the year, and it turned out incredibly safe.

A new birth and feelings after coming out

The dates worked out beautifully too. Last Saturday was my name day and today is my birthday. Today I was born as someone born anew. In the morning I stepped outside, saw the moon setting and an hour later the sun rising. An incredible experience, which I wish for everyone.

The only thing I missed slightly was the element of sharing after coming out; I needed to hug someone, say, and live that moment together. But people shouldn’t be afraid to follow the path their inner voice tells them to take. I found calm and peace here. My body is resonating with joy. I realised how much I love the people around me and how much I value them. Yesterday I even shed a few tears of joy that I will see them again and that we will celebrate today.